[It isn't a story she's heard of... but she understands immediately why Junpei has chosen to share it. There's a wisdom to his words, even if a part of her is reluctant to acknowledge it -- not even because of Junpei himself, either. Petty though it is, a piece of her still prefers being every bit the sly and unknowable fox of her legends.
There is, after all, a vulnerability in being known.]
... Having lived through a version of this experiment, I doubt she would truly understand anything until thrust into the real world.
[She folds her arms into her kimono, and... hesitates. Her story is still not quite done, but it is always the last bit that is the most painful, some secret tender part of her heart that she always hates exposing.]
I told you once that Dimitri-sama reminded me of my emperor.
[...]
Even if my legends aren't much kind to me, I did indeed love Emperor Toba -- dying at his orders still haunts me sometimes. He died thinking I betrayed him, and I died being betrayed by him.
[...]
I wanted Dimitri-sama to be better than that -- to me, his people, some future love... [An awkward shrug] I suppose I just hoped to recreate the feeling of things I had lost.
[And now another royal is dead in her life, and everyone has lost their chances]
[So. He lets her talk again and lets the words absorb into his head, making comparisons of what he knows here versus what he knows of the legends. He does remember those words....but now he fully understands why.]
...you still know that there was nothing wrong with wanting that, don't you? There's...something beautiful, still, in having a choice in giving up entirely and still having hope in things. It's something I sometimes don't really know how to do myself. [He can admit that much.] Even if he's not here, I don't think it's too late.
She would claim she has no need for such things -- it's too painful a burden when hope dies, and in some ways, she's more a coward than the humans she scoffs at]
Ha, I've--
[A pause. Her mouth draws into a frown and she glances away from him, sighing thickly. She can feel her ears peel back]
No, you're right of course. It's only too late once you've given up.
[A light nod. He lets her look away and does nothing to try and turn her back to him.]
It's worth remembering even when you don't want to and it seems a lot easier to give up anyway. [There are a few times he debated giving up, but they were very few and far between. Junpei's always been determined to get through everything life has thrown at him lately and survive to achieve what he's after. Nothing about that will change. The question from her is both expected and unexpected, and he sighs to himself.]
Once I get to the right timeline, we...probably have to find someone who's going to start a nuclear war to kill eight billion people. Not probably, we are. Carlos is a little ahead of me in the timeline, so he filled me in on it. We have to find them and stop them before it's too late.
[-- She glances right back at him after that response, having expected something a little less... well. Not what she heard. In fact, it is strikingly familiar in a way that almost has her smiling, but then she'd have to explain the joke when her heart just feels heavy in her chest.]
So you'll still be busy.
[She wonders if he will remember her, his sly and evil servant.
she will never ask, that much she is certain of.]
No wonder you are determined to leave; there is much you have to accomplish. I hope for your success.
Yeah. Seems that way. [...there's a tiny grin, both hopeful and sad all at once.] Carlos and I both have to get back...and whenever we find them and stop them, I have a wedding to plan. Maybe.
Are you kidding? What kind of money do you think I make? [He's joking but also please he's broke.] I kind of spent all of my savings on her ring anyway, but she's the one who's the president of her own company.
[With something like this, there's no guarantee he'll survive. But at the same time, he's been determined to live for this long and he refuses to go down easily.]
I can't die here. [A light tone, but serious.] I have to get back to Akane...and I still have my pact with you. You didn't think I forgot, did you?
[It's hard for him to answer right away because it's been a while since happiness came so easily to him, but after a few moments...he grins lightly]
Would you believe me if I said my childhood was totally normal? I was an only child, but everything was just sorta average. When we were kids, Kanny and I used to spend a lot of time together. [He doesn't even notice the nickname for a moment even though it's one he hasn't used for her in some time.] We went to festivals and fairs together...the pool...just like normal stuff you'd expect. It's almost funny to think about now but...they're good memories.
Yeah...[The same soft smile appears, the one that usually comes when he thinks about the good memories with Akane. But then he suddenly looks indignant.]
I was not scrawny. I'm not even scrawny now! [Both of these things are lies.]
Because I didn't notice, that's completely different. I just don't punch women. [Which isn't entirely true, he does remember knocking Akane off-guard to shove her into a fireplace for safety. But. Still different.]
He said I could because he offered to spar with me. So I punched his hands for a while. [It happens when your friend/team dad dies and you don't know how to process your emotions healthily.]
She does not know the exact circumstances, and frankly isn't going to ask -- but she can at least sense that it's best to leave this alone, and smiles instead]
Hmmm, well. I'm glad he can provide you with an outlet in such cases. I fear many of us are going to go mad with cabin fever soon, if the demons do not catch us first.
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There is, after all, a vulnerability in being known.]
... Having lived through a version of this experiment, I doubt she would truly understand anything until thrust into the real world.
[She folds her arms into her kimono, and... hesitates. Her story is still not quite done, but it is always the last bit that is the most painful, some secret tender part of her heart that she always hates exposing.]
I told you once that Dimitri-sama reminded me of my emperor.
[...]
Even if my legends aren't much kind to me, I did indeed love Emperor Toba -- dying at his orders still haunts me sometimes. He died thinking I betrayed him, and I died being betrayed by him.
[...]
I wanted Dimitri-sama to be better than that -- to me, his people, some future love... [An awkward shrug] I suppose I just hoped to recreate the feeling of things I had lost.
[And now another royal is dead in her life, and everyone has lost their chances]
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...you still know that there was nothing wrong with wanting that, don't you? There's...something beautiful, still, in having a choice in giving up entirely and still having hope in things. It's something I sometimes don't really know how to do myself. [He can admit that much.] Even if he's not here, I don't think it's too late.
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She would claim she has no need for such things -- it's too painful a burden when hope dies, and in some ways, she's more a coward than the humans she scoffs at]
Ha, I've--
[A pause. Her mouth draws into a frown and she glances away from him, sighing thickly. She can feel her ears peel back]
No, you're right of course. It's only too late once you've given up.
[...]
When you get home, Master, what will you do?
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It's worth remembering even when you don't want to and it seems a lot easier to give up anyway. [There are a few times he debated giving up, but they were very few and far between. Junpei's always been determined to get through everything life has thrown at him lately and survive to achieve what he's after. Nothing about that will change. The question from her is both expected and unexpected, and he sighs to himself.]
Once I get to the right timeline, we...probably have to find someone who's going to start a nuclear war to kill eight billion people. Not probably, we are. Carlos is a little ahead of me in the timeline, so he filled me in on it. We have to find them and stop them before it's too late.
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So you'll still be busy.
[She wonders if he will remember her, his sly and evil servant.
she will never ask, that much she is certain of.]
No wonder you are determined to leave; there is much you have to accomplish. I hope for your success.
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[If they live and all. Haha.]
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That at least pulls a smile out of her, even if it's just as fragile as Junpei's]
Hmmm, is that so? [Voice faintly teasing, a little bit of her old self peeking through her sadness]
Ladies do tend to like extravagant weddings, so I hope you've saved up for your beloved, neh~
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[Things that improve Tamamo's mood -- being mean to Junpei]
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It'll be a joint effort, thanks. [A playful little grin.] But...she did say she'd leave a spot open for me. So I just have to hope she means it.
[He loves and adores his fiancée, but things are sometimes still a little complicated.]
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[... glancing away again as she sinks back into her thoughts]
You won't die here, will you? Not when you must see her again...
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I can't die here. [A light tone, but serious.] I have to get back to Akane...and I still have my pact with you. You didn't think I forgot, did you?
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No, I did not think you would forget.
[Gods, she is so tired. She leans back into her arm again, expression oddly weary]
... Have you ever wondered what it is that I want, Master?
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It is time enough. Tamamo seems to relax and nods at his answer]
... Tell me about your childhood, in the meantime?
[Something happy, she hopes. Something that has nothing to do with this ship and their fates.
Tamamo no Mae hates sad endings.]
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Would you believe me if I said my childhood was totally normal? I was an only child, but everything was just sorta average. When we were kids, Kanny and I used to spend a lot of time together. [He doesn't even notice the nickname for a moment even though it's one he hasn't used for her in some time.] We went to festivals and fairs together...the pool...just like normal stuff you'd expect. It's almost funny to think about now but...they're good memories.
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[What the actual fuck that's cute. She is grinning brightly now, like all of her previous sorrows have disappeared.]
Aaaah, I bet Master was such a scrawny young thing no bigger than my tails, too~
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I was not scrawny. I'm not even scrawny now! [Both of these things are lies.]
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[Don't even start with her]
Frankly, I don't think you'd even land a punch on me if you tried.
[She is just coming for his pride now]
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You can ask Higekiri. I can punch fine.
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[SHE IS.
SO MEAN.]
But fine, fine. If Higekiri-san would vouch for you, I'll take it seriously then.
[Though uh--]
Is... there a reason you punched him?
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She does not know the exact circumstances, and frankly isn't going to ask -- but she can at least sense that it's best to leave this alone, and smiles instead]
Hmmm, well. I'm glad he can provide you with an outlet in such cases. I fear many of us are going to go mad with cabin fever soon, if the demons do not catch us first.
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