You do raise a good point about that. [Which is a kind of alarming point, but alas.] You think we've had people here kill some of our victims on their own without being possessed? Besides Escha, since that still doesn't entirely count.
[yes, its exactly what she is asking, even as her tone remains light and airy]
Let us speak freely about the matter. Do you not remember I gave you my knife for a reason? It is because I have outlasted my usefulness.
[-- a harsh assessment, maybe, but she doesn't look particularly moved by her self-inflicted cruelty. The ease in which she speaks hints that this was coming eventually]
In terms of our contract, there's very little I can offer you now, regardless of if we'd be forced to turn on each other. Indeed, it would be in your best interest to get rid of me.
[...]
If it still concerns you, here, I'll put your fears at ease. I was not quite honest with you at the start of our agreement - I will likely disappear at the end of this "game", no matter if I survive the demons.
[she keeps a passive smile upon her face, though her expression veils, hiding her thoughts]
I know why you gave it to me even if I don't exactly agree in terms of your usefulness. You're still more useful than you might think. [But...he frowns in thought and leans back to look at her.]
I'm not going to get rid of you unless it really comes to that. [Except.] What exactly do you mean you're going to disappear?
My existence requires me to be anchored to someone -- through their life force, in a sense. Otherwise I can't sustain myself in my truest form, and will vanish as if I never existed.
[a shrug, and she folds her arms, voice almost clinical]
It was always a long shot from the very start, and I realized as much. I formed my contract with you to protect myself and my odds of finding a good match.
But things are different now. [it is brief, unbidden, but there is a flicker of sadness that crosses her expression]
It is best you consider me a phantom doomed to disappear than a participant; it will increase your odds of survival, Master.
[Anchoring? He's listening, and she might recognize the very calculative and perplexed look on his face as she details everything for him. He doesn't give any facial tells otherwise, silently pondering before he folds his hands in his lap and closes the notebook.]
...what does it take for you to be anchored to someone? [It's all he says, but by now she should know him and know why he's asking.] How does that work?
[It's fine, his eyes narrow and his jaw tightens like he's prepping for a fight. Maybe because he is.]
Folly is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Or insanity. Take your pick. This wouldn't be the same as times before, so why can't I consider it? It's a potential, not a guarantee.
Because I'm not here to talk about some idle fantasy, and you shouldn't be, either.
[She's stubborn; that's always been the case, but it's the first time she's turned so much of her ire onto Junpei, and her ears flatten with frustration]
We formed our contract here out of mutual benefit. What benefit do you get being my Master outside of this ship? What benefit do you get now?
[She lobbies each question at him like curses, not even seeking an answer -- only wanting to prove her point and remain on steady ground.]
What if this isn't about my survival, Tamamo? There are other things that are just as important on this ship! And if we're talking about benefit what benefit have you been getting from me?
[There are maybe underlying issues here, and there's a moment he bites the inside of his cheek, but whatever he's thinking seems to...maybe hurt a little.
"I'll help you, Akane. Let me join Crash Keys, or whatever you're calling it!"
"I can't do that."
"Why?"
"I'm going to need you to forget everything you know, Junpei."
"What!?"
"I'm really sorry."
"No...you can't be..."
"Junpei, I will never forget you. But please, forget me. You need to forget..."
"No...I don't want to...I'll never forget...no matter what happens, I won't...I won't."]
But for once, Tamamo is too mad to stop and consider her actions or her words, ears peeled back in defiance]
-- Why? So you can consider me an inconvenience later? I'm no priority of yours.
[There is no human she's ever met that ever considered her one, not when it really counted. And that is fine -- Tamamo knows what she is, what her role will always be.
She won't let Junpei draw her into this web of promises that he'll just end up breaking later.]
[It's fine, he's apparently a little more like his wife than people think because his teeth are bared and he kind of looks like he's 100% ready to throw down, except for the very faint look of distraught in his eyes.]
That's not for you to decide! You don't get to make that choice for me!
Tamamo doesn't get to make that decision for him. Her canines clip on her tongue as she shuts her mouth, the tang of blood filling it. For a second, there is an uneasiness to her, like a fox whose been cornered and can't quite think of a way to outmaneuver her opponent.
And even still--]
I will be the death of you, Junpei. Either as my Master, or collateral, that was always going to be the case. I am not fit to be your Servant.
... Forgive me, for not being honest until now.
[She has killed so many humans that the numbers have all but blurred together. And half of them? She hadn't even meant it; she'd just been angry, filled with curses and grudges, wanting to inflict some misery upon the world for twisting her into a youkai.
At the end of the day, she'll always be an evil fox. Caring for another soul will likely never change that. It would be folly to ask any human to try, especially under these circumstances.
If that is her fate, then -- then she will settle for less, just this once, her unending greed tempered by all the humans who showed her kindness. She will see if she can spare a life of her own accord]
[...he should maybe stop her, but he doesn't have the energy or the words to say anything to convince her. There's something that sounds like "no" somewhere in his throat but it doesn't quite form and he looks down instead, a hand coming up to press at his eyes like it'll relieve some of the pressure in his head.]
...this conversation isn't over, you know. [He's stubborn is the thing. And even if he refuses to look at her now, he's not going to exactly give up forever either.] Be safe tonight.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[... Ha. Haha. Placing a hand on her hip, looking more at the notebook than at Junpei. She's grinning]
But should it be true, that certainly puts us in an awkward position, doesn't it, Master?
Whatever shall you do if the game requires me to die and I don't have a role?
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...are you asking me if I'm going to be willing to kill you?
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[yes, its exactly what she is asking, even as her tone remains light and airy]
Let us speak freely about the matter. Do you not remember I gave you my knife for a reason? It is because I have outlasted my usefulness.
[-- a harsh assessment, maybe, but she doesn't look particularly moved by her self-inflicted cruelty. The ease in which she speaks hints that this was coming eventually]
In terms of our contract, there's very little I can offer you now, regardless of if we'd be forced to turn on each other. Indeed, it would be in your best interest to get rid of me.
[...]
If it still concerns you, here, I'll put your fears at ease. I was not quite honest with you at the start of our agreement - I will likely disappear at the end of this "game", no matter if I survive the demons.
[she keeps a passive smile upon her face, though her expression veils, hiding her thoughts]
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I'm not going to get rid of you unless it really comes to that. [Except.] What exactly do you mean you're going to disappear?
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My existence requires me to be anchored to someone -- through their life force, in a sense. Otherwise I can't sustain myself in my truest form, and will vanish as if I never existed.
[a shrug, and she folds her arms, voice almost clinical]
It was always a long shot from the very start, and I realized as much. I formed my contract with you to protect myself and my odds of finding a good match.
But things are different now. [it is brief, unbidden, but there is a flicker of sadness that crosses her expression]
It is best you consider me a phantom doomed to disappear than a participant; it will increase your odds of survival, Master.
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...what does it take for you to be anchored to someone? [It's all he says, but by now she should know him and know why he's asking.] How does that work?
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Do not even consider it, fool. Never mind I'd potentially suck your mana dry and leave you a husk, you'd be bringing me into your world.
[voice snapping a little as her tails whip behind her]
I'd be a parasite to you, and a curse to every other human. That is my nature. Attempting to save me is folly.
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Folly is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Or insanity. Take your pick. This wouldn't be the same as times before, so why can't I consider it? It's a potential, not a guarantee.
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[She's stubborn; that's always been the case, but it's the first time she's turned so much of her ire onto Junpei, and her ears flatten with frustration]
We formed our contract here out of mutual benefit. What benefit do you get being my Master outside of this ship? What benefit do you get now?
[She lobbies each question at him like curses, not even seeking an answer -- only wanting to prove her point and remain on steady ground.]
I'm no longer necessary to your survival.
[So discard her already]
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[There are maybe underlying issues here, and there's a moment he bites the inside of his cheek, but whatever he's thinking seems to...maybe hurt a little.
"I'll help you, Akane. Let me join Crash Keys, or whatever you're calling it!"
"I can't do that."
"Why?"
"I'm going to need you to forget everything you know, Junpei."
"What!?"
"I'm really sorry."
"No...you can't be..."
"Junpei, I will never forget you. But please, forget me. You need to forget..."
"No...I don't want to...I'll never forget...no matter what happens, I won't...I won't."]
You can at least let me try.
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And that hurts.
But for once, Tamamo is too mad to stop and consider her actions or her words, ears peeled back in defiance]
-- Why? So you can consider me an inconvenience later? I'm no priority of yours.
[There is no human she's ever met that ever considered her one, not when it really counted. And that is fine -- Tamamo knows what she is, what her role will always be.
She won't let Junpei draw her into this web of promises that he'll just end up breaking later.]
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That's not for you to decide! You don't get to make that choice for me!
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Tamamo doesn't get to make that decision for him. Her canines clip on her tongue as she shuts her mouth, the tang of blood filling it. For a second, there is an uneasiness to her, like a fox whose been cornered and can't quite think of a way to outmaneuver her opponent.
And even still--]
I will be the death of you, Junpei. Either as my Master, or collateral, that was always going to be the case. I am not fit to be your Servant.
... Forgive me, for not being honest until now.
[She has killed so many humans that the numbers have all but blurred together. And half of them? She hadn't even meant it; she'd just been angry, filled with curses and grudges, wanting to inflict some misery upon the world for twisting her into a youkai.
At the end of the day, she'll always be an evil fox. Caring for another soul will likely never change that. It would be folly to ask any human to try, especially under these circumstances.
If that is her fate, then -- then she will settle for less, just this once, her unending greed tempered by all the humans who showed her kindness. She will see if she can spare a life of her own accord]
I'm taking my leave. Please get some rest.
[if he has nothing else to say, she will exit]
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...this conversation isn't over, you know. [He's stubborn is the thing. And even if he refuses to look at her now, he's not going to exactly give up forever either.] Be safe tonight.
[And he'll let her go.]