[A hand reaches up to pet her hair. He remembers that story. He remembers what Tamamo said to him, and how she feels about it, but he still doesn't exactly fault her for choosing to be human even if being human is one of the most painful experiences.]
I know. All of you seem to have that in common when you remind me how long you've lived and everything you've ever felt. [It's a little endearing even if it's a little frustrating, too.]
...some of the things Higekiri said to me today don't exactly inspire me with confidence. Do you really think he wants to return to the way he was? Or are we going to be too late to help?
...couple of things. [But the one he has the biggest problem with is:] "You're kind and you will look for your alternative methods. I don't mind... I want you to succeed, even if saying that is selfish and might bring you more pain. But there are just as many timelines, and histories, in which such methods never work out, and I am just another piece to break. It's okay, you know? I have a feeling that it'll all work out, Junpei, even if it's not what you want. Not everyone is a certain existence that will change history - others are expendable, or only pawns that will never be remembered. Even though I am a treasure, my era is over."
I don't like people being used or using people. Unless I have to. [Because Tamamo knows how ruthless he can be, and yet...this is probably closer to his real personality. ] I get that all of the swords feel that way to some extent but I also don't think they're only here and were given human forms and emotions just to be expendable.
[Sigh... her Master really is kind. That is a sentiment she and Hige agree with]
Of course they weren't. Fate is not so straight-forward, assuming there's a concept of fate at all. The swords considering themselves expendable is the best way for them to make sense of the existence they've been given.
... Higekiri-san has lost his brother, half of his soul as he puts it, and has hurt others he probably didn't intend to hurt. I think falling back on the familiar creed of his existence is his way of coping.
[...]
But you know, he told me -- someone as ancient as himself still has things to learn about living. Pragmatically, what he told you makes sense, but life is filled with emotion and muddles that pragmatism. He can be a treasure of an era long past, but still find purpose that does not lower himself to a tool meant to break.
[...weirdly, when she puts it like that, he thinks he understands a little better. It makes more sense when she frames it that way and he thinks about it for a moment as he quietly ponders. Is that truly possible?
People cope in different ways and some people cope in shitty ways, so yeah. He thinks it's possible.]
I get the benefit of being pragmatic, but at the same time it's not always what people should default to. [It leads to a lot of messy situations, he thinks.] It's something people living life should keep in mind because being human or even having these emotions means being able to experience and learn and keep going even when the world doesn't want you to. I don't know if the same can be said for pragmatism. Not in the same way.
[He frowns though.] ...I think he'll find purpose, but we have to help him.
Yes, I agree... Pragmatism is difficult to maintain, especially for humans -- and no, I do not mean that as an offense for once. [Critical as she is of humanity, she tries to pay them a compliment today]
Rather, emotions are why your lives shine brightly.
[...]
But I admit, I... do not know how to help him, besides to be patient, and see if he can work through his emotions himself.
Even if they're a mess, sure. [Pragmatism ruined his life, emotions also ruined his life, it's fine, he's learning to deal. As it is though, he nods long.]
I think if anyone could support him well it' be another spirit, actually. It's not like humans really get the idea of having a master to serve and countless years and lifetimes. [...] Most humans, anyway. Wouldn't that be help enough?
... It is true, we have found mutual understanding in each other because we are not human.
[her voice... softens a little]
His struggles aren't easy, but that is why I hope he overcomes them. Emotions are worth it, even if they often hurt. I do not think he'll gain anything by retreating to his sheath.
I don't either. There's really nothing to be gained by hiding from whatever it is you feel. [He says, despite the fact he's constantly hiding from what he feels these days because it's way too much.]
Help him however you can. He seems to like you enough that he might even listen even if he can't fully understand yet.
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I know. All of you seem to have that in common when you remind me how long you've lived and everything you've ever felt. [It's a little endearing even if it's a little frustrating, too.]
...some of the things Higekiri said to me today don't exactly inspire me with confidence. Do you really think he wants to return to the way he was? Or are we going to be too late to help?
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[Indeed, there have been plenty of things she'd been wrong about, and sighs as she settles more against him]
... What did he say to you, Master?
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[Big unhappy :(]
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[tongue clucking in both fondness and irritation because just. look at how distressed her master is.]
You do not like him referring to himself as expendable, then? A tool meant to be thrown away once his usefulness has ended?
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Of course they weren't. Fate is not so straight-forward, assuming there's a concept of fate at all. The swords considering themselves expendable is the best way for them to make sense of the existence they've been given.
... Higekiri-san has lost his brother, half of his soul as he puts it, and has hurt others he probably didn't intend to hurt. I think falling back on the familiar creed of his existence is his way of coping.
[...]
But you know, he told me -- someone as ancient as himself still has things to learn about living. Pragmatically, what he told you makes sense, but life is filled with emotion and muddles that pragmatism. He can be a treasure of an era long past, but still find purpose that does not lower himself to a tool meant to break.
... Or so I truly hope for him.
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People cope in different ways and some people cope in shitty ways, so yeah. He thinks it's possible.]
I get the benefit of being pragmatic, but at the same time it's not always what people should default to. [It leads to a lot of messy situations, he thinks.] It's something people living life should keep in mind because being human or even having these emotions means being able to experience and learn and keep going even when the world doesn't want you to. I don't know if the same can be said for pragmatism. Not in the same way.
[He frowns though.] ...I think he'll find purpose, but we have to help him.
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Rather, emotions are why your lives shine brightly.
[...]
But I admit, I... do not know how to help him, besides to be patient, and see if he can work through his emotions himself.
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I think if anyone could support him well it' be another spirit, actually. It's not like humans really get the idea of having a master to serve and countless years and lifetimes. [...] Most humans, anyway. Wouldn't that be help enough?
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[her voice... softens a little]
His struggles aren't easy, but that is why I hope he overcomes them. Emotions are worth it, even if they often hurt. I do not think he'll gain anything by retreating to his sheath.
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Help him however you can. He seems to like you enough that he might even listen even if he can't fully understand yet.
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[Lightly teasing]
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As you wish then, Master.
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Thank you. For everything.