[He tilts his head, seemingly considering that before deciding to push his luck and tease her a little.]
You wouldn't anyway, I think, because you'd want me to be happy if I ever did find an appropriate suitor or whatever. And besides it wouldn't change how I felt about you.
Good point. [...] There are a lot of versions of me who never ended up with her. There are some versions of me who never found her, or one of us died, or she erased my memories and I spent my whole life probably looking for her again. [He looks at her for a moment.] I think even though I have, had, and always will love her no matter which version of myself I am, I think there's probably the potential for me to care about other people, too. I want the ending I want with her, but...sometimes I wonder if we both would think the same thing.
[... Well, since she will have to take this part of the conversation seriously, Tamamo twists so that she's lounging closer to him, shamelessly leaning some of her weight onto her tails. It's fine, they're fluffy enough.]
She erased your memories... [Tamamo's eyebrows knit in vague disapproval, though her gaze also softens.] Well, I tried to push you away for perhaps similar reasons... I have no right to judge her.
[Junpei needs to stop having a type]
If there is but even one ending where you two are together and happy, I don't doubt it is the ending she herself craves... that said, I do not think it is a crime to have other existences where you end up with other people.
...I told her I would help her. I always wanted to do whatever I could so maybe she would stop beating the weight of everything by herself. She told me I had to forget that I ever saw her. I didn't get a choice before she injected me. [Some context, maybe, for why Junpei was so upset with Tamamo, too.
But...he nods.] She said yes when I asked her to marry me right before that, so I want to believe that. But....I have been trying to figure out what version of myself I am for a while. I'm not the same one who showed up here. And I won't be the same one when I go back. Maybe I'm overthinking but I can't stop thinking about it anyway.
For all I know those other versions don't really exist anymore but all of those memories still do. I don't know if I'm making sense.
[Yes that certainly puts a lot of their previous conversations into perspective. Not that she was ever particularly proud of the way she acted, but her eyes dart to the side anyway, guilty]
Strictly speaking, you will always be the newest version of yourself, yes? Every decision you make that affects yourself and others, is perhaps a path another Junpei has not taken. It is the same for me as well, and everyone else.
[...]
To me, memory itself is proof of existence. Even if one dies... well. [A gesture to herself. She's "dead" but has come back many times, in many forms] It still means there was a timeline where those events happened.
...yeah, you're right about that. [He can agree, and maybe it's just because of Tamamo's really specific circumstances that she can understand what he's trying to say.] That was why we learned to SHIFT. That way we could save ourselves and go to the histories where our choices would help us survive instead of kill us. Being here, I can't SHIFT or even access the Morphogenetic Field, but...this version of me is going to eventually have to go back to the timeline of a previous version.
"We exist, therefore we know we exist." It basically means that all we can really know to be true now is what we know in the present, but with a lot of versions of myself and all of my memories, everything that happened here has to be true.
Hmph. In the eyes of the universe itself, that ability would be considered cheating where I'm from.
[She sounds amused, at least, at the tenacity of humans to disregard everything for their own survival.]
... Master, are you worried that you will forget about this place once you leave it? Well -- given your abilities, perhaps that will not be a concern for you...
[But for everyone else? It's a thought that has passed her mind on more than one occasion.]
...I don't think so. I've been thinking about it for a while and it's one of those things where they're still my memories and I'm tired of those being erased. The Decision Game always erased ours, too, but once we broke the cycle all of our memories came back.
But at the same time I know myself. Just like with Akane, I would spend the rest of my life trying to find a way to reconnect with the people I've met. I'm going to find a way to save you. I want to find a way to stay with the people I've met. But I also know what my job is back home. I don't want to have to leave people behind and I'm not sure if that will be my choice to make yet or not. Does that make sense?
[... She can't deny that if she were less fond of him, if their bond was weaker, she'd come to the same conclusion as Akane -- that Junpei is better off not remembering for his own sake, even if it would cause him pain for the rest of his life.]
Mm, it does. There is no way to be certain of what lies ahead of us, even once we find a way off the ship. I still don't understand what power could have brought me here, Masterless, along with the rest of you from such different realities.
[And there is always the possibility that power will not be merciful. Winning their right to live does not necessarily equate to ever seeing each other again. Even the bell she gave Junpei might be just a trinket in the end, nothing more than something to remember her by. Her expression pinches with a sigh.]
We've only a few more days to get everything ready... we'll have to hope for the best.
I'm still trying to understand why we're all here. What brought this particular group of people here, and how. [He frowns.] We know the ritual is coming but after that...we don't know what will happen to us.
[He looks at the ceiling.] ...what do you want to do until then? With our time left and the people left.
[She's grinning now, and glances in Junpei's direction]
Did you know Wu Wexian-san had the nerve to scold me? Both him and Kagachi-san, when the two of us were not on speaking terms. Something about I shouldn't waste time being mad when this time is all I might have left with you and the others.
[A light shrug]
Truthfully, I will continue doing as I always have -- striving to enjoy myself and looking after my Master. The lifespan of a Heroic Spirit is measured in hours and days, usually, not years. That I remain here at all is a miracle...
And I suppose I do not mind being around this particular group of humans and swords.
...that doesn't surprise me, given Wei Wuxian came to me when we were arguing, too. [He looks a little amused.] On the other hand I can't say I entirely disagree. We don't know what's next.
I don't think it's a bad thing to enjoy yourself, for what it's worth. [Just throwing that out there.] ...you're still getting along with the others then?
Ah, yes. I sent him over to check on you. You're so thin already, I didn't want you missing meals.
[They're not fighting anymore so might as well admit it!]
And to my utter surprise... yes, I suppose I am getting along with everyone.
[No one sounds more surprised than Tamamo by this development. She huffs a sigh]
Some more than others, naturally, but I cannot remember a time in my life that I remained fond of anyone outside of a Master. It almost moves me to forgiveness~
[He would argue, but he's also not even sure when he last ate a proper meal so he...shrugs.]
Almost, huh. [A joking grin because he knows Tamamo a little too well.] That's more than I think most of us could ask for in times like these. Who do you get along with best besides me?
[Making a face because how dare he make her admit with actual Names the people she cares for]
I'm quite fond of Wei Wuxian's energy and Nikkari-san's wit. Kagachi-san... [Her voice trails off with a sigh] Hmph, well. He is frustrating in his own right, and I punish him by being purposefully confusing until he's forced to live a little.
Grune-sama is Grune-sama. I hope she continues to remain that way, so long as it makes her happy. And if nothing else, I respect Edelgard-san's way of conduct. Zero-chan's too, even if she hogs the bed so often that I make a game of not washing the towels until she snaps.
[Junpei getting all of the Tamamo lore tonight]
... Higekiri-san is... I suppose I am fond of him, yes...
[It's because he loves his wife and wants to make sure she has people in the end in case something actually happens to him, but he knows better than to say so out loud. Instead, he lets his tail swish in idle amusement as he listens, nodding along with that list. There's a light grin at the mention of Wei Wuxian and Nikkari, and Grune as well. Kagachi makes sense and he makes a bit of a face at the mention of Zero but he can't fault her for that.
Though he gives a curious look when she stops on Higekiri. It would only be fair to reciprocate such a list though, and he pauses.]
Are you asking who I'm fond of here? [Hah. Well...] You, obviously. Beck is probably the best friend I have here...I'd do just about anything for her. Wei Wuxian knows all of the ways to help me untangle the Gordian knot of my thoughts and Nikkari's...very important to me, too. He's loyal, I don't know what would happen if he wasn't around. Sometimes he makes me feel better even when I really would prefer to be miserable. [There's a light smile, like it's a joke, but woof.] I respect Haymitch and Edelgard even though I keep making myself look like a jackass around both of them. Kagachi, too.
Higekiri knows a lot of my secrets and how to get under my skin enough to talk to him. And...[Here, he pauses, because he's not sure how to phrase it.] I don't know where I'd be without Dick. Even if he doesn't think so.
[Yeah Tamamo would have ten fits if he voiced any of what he's thinking. A wise man indeed. And likewise, Tamamo listens to his list without comment, ears giving a little twitch all the while. For someone who swears she's easily moved by jealousy, she seems pleased that Junpei has made as many connections as he has. Hearing about Higekiri even gets a chuckle out of her.
... That pause, though. Tamamo's lips purse into a pout]
Dick-san, huh...
[Hm]
Well, you two are roommates. And he is certainly one of the more productive members on this ship. [The compliments are so, so grudging]
[oh she has no problems putting Dick on blast, though she'll try and temper her opinions. A little. Maybe]
More that it is a rare thing for me to be fond of a human while also wishing they'd be silent at all times. His morals can be grating for a creature such as I.
[Tamamo is neutral/chaotic evil, of course Dick is going to drive her up the walls sometimes]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[Nodding to herself. Yes, this is good]
no subject
You wouldn't anyway, I think, because you'd want me to be happy if I ever did find an appropriate suitor or whatever. And besides it wouldn't change how I felt about you.
no subject
[She in turn seems to still and then blow out a sigh that's one part's irritable but deep down, perhaps amused]
You are truly insufferable as a cat, Master.
[Swiping one of her tails against his nose]
In your case, yes, as I've already been conditioned to share -- that is correct.
no subject
...technically, you're already sharing with Akane in some version of some timeline.
no subject
[Yeah deadass Tamamo finding out about Akane early on was
probably the best thing that happened for them
in regards to Tamamo's jealous tendencies]
no subject
Good point. [...] There are a lot of versions of me who never ended up with her. There are some versions of me who never found her, or one of us died, or she erased my memories and I spent my whole life probably looking for her again. [He looks at her for a moment.] I think even though I have, had, and always will love her no matter which version of myself I am, I think there's probably the potential for me to care about other people, too. I want the ending I want with her, but...sometimes I wonder if we both would think the same thing.
no subject
She erased your memories... [Tamamo's eyebrows knit in vague disapproval, though her gaze also softens.] Well, I tried to push you away for perhaps similar reasons... I have no right to judge her.
[Junpei needs to stop having a type]
If there is but even one ending where you two are together and happy, I don't doubt it is the ending she herself craves... that said, I do not think it is a crime to have other existences where you end up with other people.
no subject
But...he nods.] She said yes when I asked her to marry me right before that, so I want to believe that. But....I have been trying to figure out what version of myself I am for a while. I'm not the same one who showed up here. And I won't be the same one when I go back. Maybe I'm overthinking but I can't stop thinking about it anyway.
For all I know those other versions don't really exist anymore but all of those memories still do. I don't know if I'm making sense.
no subject
Strictly speaking, you will always be the newest version of yourself, yes? Every decision you make that affects yourself and others, is perhaps a path another Junpei has not taken. It is the same for me as well, and everyone else.
[...]
To me, memory itself is proof of existence. Even if one dies... well. [A gesture to herself. She's "dead" but has come back many times, in many forms] It still means there was a timeline where those events happened.
no subject
"We exist, therefore we know we exist." It basically means that all we can really know to be true now is what we know in the present, but with a lot of versions of myself and all of my memories, everything that happened here has to be true.
no subject
[She sounds amused, at least, at the tenacity of humans to disregard everything for their own survival.]
... Master, are you worried that you will forget about this place once you leave it? Well -- given your abilities, perhaps that will not be a concern for you...
[But for everyone else? It's a thought that has passed her mind on more than one occasion.]
no subject
It's more like I'm worried everyone else will forget...and that me remembering will cause more problems.
no subject
[Personally, she does not see any negatives besides the weight it might put on his soul, but that's enough reason to be concerned.]
If you could forget, would you? Knowing that you might be the only one to remember.
no subject
But at the same time I know myself. Just like with Akane, I would spend the rest of my life trying to find a way to reconnect with the people I've met. I'm going to find a way to save you. I want to find a way to stay with the people I've met. But I also know what my job is back home. I don't want to have to leave people behind and I'm not sure if that will be my choice to make yet or not. Does that make sense?
no subject
Mm, it does. There is no way to be certain of what lies ahead of us, even once we find a way off the ship. I still don't understand what power could have brought me here, Masterless, along with the rest of you from such different realities.
[And there is always the possibility that power will not be merciful. Winning their right to live does not necessarily equate to ever seeing each other again. Even the bell she gave Junpei might be just a trinket in the end, nothing more than something to remember her by. Her expression pinches with a sigh.]
We've only a few more days to get everything ready... we'll have to hope for the best.
no subject
[He looks at the ceiling.] ...what do you want to do until then? With our time left and the people left.
no subject
[She's grinning now, and glances in Junpei's direction]
Did you know Wu Wexian-san had the nerve to scold me? Both him and Kagachi-san, when the two of us were not on speaking terms. Something about I shouldn't waste time being mad when this time is all I might have left with you and the others.
[A light shrug]
Truthfully, I will continue doing as I always have -- striving to enjoy myself and looking after my Master. The lifespan of a Heroic Spirit is measured in hours and days, usually, not years. That I remain here at all is a miracle...
And I suppose I do not mind being around this particular group of humans and swords.
no subject
I don't think it's a bad thing to enjoy yourself, for what it's worth. [Just throwing that out there.] ...you're still getting along with the others then?
no subject
[They're not fighting anymore so might as well admit it!]
And to my utter surprise... yes, I suppose I am getting along with everyone.
[No one sounds more surprised than Tamamo by this development. She huffs a sigh]
Some more than others, naturally, but I cannot remember a time in my life that I remained fond of anyone outside of a Master. It almost moves me to forgiveness~
no subject
Almost, huh. [A joking grin because he knows Tamamo a little too well.] That's more than I think most of us could ask for in times like these. Who do you get along with best besides me?
no subject
I'm quite fond of Wei Wuxian's energy and Nikkari-san's wit. Kagachi-san... [Her voice trails off with a sigh] Hmph, well. He is frustrating in his own right, and I punish him by being purposefully confusing until he's forced to live a little.
Grune-sama is Grune-sama. I hope she continues to remain that way, so long as it makes her happy. And if nothing else, I respect Edelgard-san's way of conduct. Zero-chan's too, even if she hogs the bed so often that I make a game of not washing the towels until she snaps.
[Junpei getting all of the Tamamo lore tonight]
... Higekiri-san is... I suppose I am fond of him, yes...
[Yeah time to change the fuckin subject]
And you, Master?
no subject
Though he gives a curious look when she stops on Higekiri. It would only be fair to reciprocate such a list though, and he pauses.]
Are you asking who I'm fond of here? [Hah. Well...] You, obviously. Beck is probably the best friend I have here...I'd do just about anything for her. Wei Wuxian knows all of the ways to help me untangle the Gordian knot of my thoughts and Nikkari's...very important to me, too. He's loyal, I don't know what would happen if he wasn't around. Sometimes he makes me feel better even when I really would prefer to be miserable. [There's a light smile, like it's a joke, but woof.] I respect Haymitch and Edelgard even though I keep making myself look like a jackass around both of them. Kagachi, too.
Higekiri knows a lot of my secrets and how to get under my skin enough to talk to him. And...[Here, he pauses, because he's not sure how to phrase it.] I don't know where I'd be without Dick. Even if he doesn't think so.
no subject
... That pause, though. Tamamo's lips purse into a pout]
Dick-san, huh...
[Hm]
Well, you two are roommates. And he is certainly one of the more productive members on this ship. [The compliments are so, so grudging]
no subject
Not a fan of his, I take it? [What's that all about? Please explain this lore.]
no subject
[oh she has no problems putting Dick on blast, though she'll try and temper her opinions. A little. Maybe]
More that it is a rare thing for me to be fond of a human while also wishing they'd be silent at all times. His morals can be grating for a creature such as I.
[Tamamo is neutral/chaotic evil, of course Dick is going to drive her up the walls sometimes]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)