[Smart plan, Higekiri. Junpei doesn't look too surprised that he seems unfazed, but he's swiping with his opposite fist this time. This is going to continue for a while, sorry my dude.]
We finally found the right timeline to get out of the game alive, but instead of going home we came here instead. [Punchpunch.] We were supposed to work together to leave, and instead he had to be a fucking hero and chase after someone who turned around and betrayed him! It wasn't even worth it and I don't even know if he's mad!
[So instead Junpei will be mad on his own behalf? Sure.] We've died and come back too many times for either of us to die here. He should have thought of something else!
[He doesn't seem to mind - he alternates which hand is catching Junpei's punches and each time his catch is firm, like he really is slamming into a punching bag but this one is just shaped like Higekiri.
The expression on his face remains neutral - aside from the slight furrow of his brows as he tries to understand Junpei's emotions.]
You wanted him to be smarter, more selfish, so he wouldn't leave you.
[Trying to understand Junpei's emotions is probably going to go as well as trying to understand most things about Junpei himself. He's not a boxer but he's seemingly into this Hige-punching bag system, especially when he sees he's not actively destroying the sword's hands.
It's also nice that his expression gives no tells, though the states are pressing in ways he's not thrilled with either.]
They weren't supposed to be the same. [It's kind of snarled, but apparently there's something a little deeper here.] Both of them wanted to be a team and work together, but the minute something comes up they'll abandon what we're doing for their own goals. No matter how stupid or crazy or dangerous they are, they do it without even telling me what's going on or why things have to be this way!
[And there's one more solid punch before he seems to tire himself out, breathing uneven and shoulders slumped just a bit before he slows down.] ...why am I the selfish one for wanting things to work the way I want them to instead of whatever might be the most heroic or good?
[ah - higekiri will take the last punch and instead of just releasing junpei's hand, he lets his fingers close around his fist, holding onto it instead. he gives it a brief squeeze, while his other hand goes to junpei's shoulder. higekiri doesn't seem that out of breath, though he does let out one long sigh just to relax himself out of a fighting position]
I don't think you're selfish.
I think you're doing the best that you know how to do - with these circumstances, and these people.
[he tilts his head]
... You must miss them - to feel so angry at their loss.
[He flexes his fingers under Higekiri's hand, not quite looking at him but also not bothering to knock his hands off. It's some sort of progress.]
...I've only known Carlos for about a week before the week we spent here. It was a game like this. We've done a lot to survive, but I've also watched both him and Akane die across multiple timelines. There were timelines that Carlos killed me. There were timelines I killed him. There were timelines I was killed and timelines Akane left because her goals were more important and timelines Carlos doomed six million people and--
--[This is probably too, like, intense and babbling so he wraps it up.] It took a lot of work to find the right timeline all of us could escape together. Of course I miss them.
[He's also just mad that he couldn't stop Carlos from being a good person and feels kind of weird about being so mad.]
[higekiri will eventually let go of junpei's hand, letting him relax hopefully even as he listens to his explanation quietly and sincerely. mm, it sounds familiar and yet not. the different timelines that can exist in the world, where it can be so hard to find the right ending that can make everyone happy. not everyone gets do-overs. many times, people must live with their choices and never know of another life where things could have been different.
he didn't think that he'd meet a human who would understand that idea both so clearly and yet have the power the evade it]
Would you like to take a snack break - and then try to hit me some more? I could give you tips on your form.
[ . . . ]
Or you can continue to talk like this, and it'll be our secret.
It must be difficult to carry things so heavy in your heart. If you'll let me help you carry them, I will.
[He lets his hand drop to his side, fingers uncurling and gaze focused on his shoes instead. It's hard to say if the fighting was effective, but it did sort of help so that's nice. It's a complicated situation to explain, especially without all of the details, but Higekiri predictably allows him to talk before handling the conversation in his own nonchalant way.]
...I'm not really sure what option I want. [It's said carefully because he's hoping maybe he can make a decision.] ...did I tell you I snapped at Nightwing the other day? [He did not, it's a segue to a related topic.] He was so proud to be a superhero and talk about how heroes are meant to help everyone and how good they are. I don't even know why I said it, but just because I think heroes eventually give up it wasn't fair to tell him that.
How is talking about any of this going to help us work together and get out of here? The broadcast said that things changed after the first week, after the first group lived in harmony for that amount of time. It was supposed to be easier to trust people here and work with them when I had someone else who already knew everything that needed to be said.
[i.e. "it was easier to play the game and do my job when I had Carlos I could sort my issues with because he already knew about them."]
[higekiri nods along at that.... humming thoughtfully. he lets junpei talk, not seeming to judge in the slightest. it remains that out of all the humans he's seen over his years, even someone like junpei who might be seen as selfish is still far from the worst that higekiri has ever encountered.]
Because he already knew you, and could understand you better so it was easier to tell what was going on in your mind...?
[higekiri tilts his head at that]
Would you let me get to know you? I am not the same as um... Carlos - but if it would make it easier for you...
[he doesn't mind learning more about junpei, and trying to ease the burden that he carries]
Yeah, exactly. Even though we only knew each other for a short time before this, a lot changed in that week. He knows me and he knows Akane and he knows the Decision Game and the powers we can use. It was easier to talk to him when I didn't have to explain everything.
[Then again, the offer is a bit confusing.] ...sometimes it feels like it isn't that simple anymore. [It's not a no.] I have things I have to get back to, and I'll do whatever I can to make that happen. Even if that means going with my own plans instead of everyone else's.
[He's jumping around on the topic and he knows that, but the crux of it all is trusting people is hard when he's not sure how they'll work together.] But I guess we work together pretty well. I don't know what humans you've been getting to know here, but not all of us are great at sharing. [The point, Junpei?]
...maybe it's not a bad idea. We're all in the same position anyway, aren't we?
Haha, some of you really dislike being vulnerable - but that is a facet of humanity, isn't it? You all have to protect yourselves in the way that you know how. I think what you're doing is similar to that.
[and he doesn't sound like he minds it?? because at the end of the day, higekiri is a sword who was forged for the purpose of protecting humanity. he has his ideals, but he never once expected any human to hold onto the same ones. they all should think of nothing more than just living their own lives]
But... you and I are comrades.
I wish to see to your safety, no matter what that means.
Vulnerable humans are the ones who get taken out the fastest. Like I said, humanity isn't always the best thing to observe. People are ruthless and cold and dangerous and if you're not careful, that's...it. You don't stand much of a chance of survival.
[But it also doesn't have to be this way either, and he knows that. He knows the value of teamwork and friends and he's a little more comfortable than he was on the first day.]
...ideally, I'd like to see everyone leave this place alive. Realistically, we know that isn't going to happen. [Mm...] But yeah. You and I are comrades, and...if you're going to let me rely on you, it better be the same for you. Even if you're a sword, human nature can sometimes cause more damage than a blade.
[higekiri nods... because it's not like he disagrees. he's sworn to protect humanity, was regarded as the treasure of a samurai family for centuries. he's had more time to be in touch with humans than other swords, passed down through generations, and he's seen how they grow. he's seen how heroes are made, etched into legend with him at their side. they are rarely bloodless stories.
they are rarely stories made only of kindness.]
If I can think of something that I need - aside from my brother's continued existence at my side, I will let you know.
[he can manage that much but]
I will not blame you for protecting yourself in the ways that you need to. After all, you need to reunite with your comrades from home.... Do you want to tell me more about them? About what happened to you?
[if he's missing someone who naturally understands - then higekiri can at least offer to substitute that person in the ways that he can]
[He's not sure why, exactly, talking to Higekiri is weirdly calming but he doesn't feel placated and he isn't exactly offended that he's being prompted like he can be sometimes. He also feels better there's something of an agreement for an exchange. Despite everything, he still defaults to trying to help people even if he doesn't always understand how or why.]
Thanks. [The offer is still one he thinks he should and wouldn't mind taking, but...] I think I have a question for you before that. And maybe the answer will be different because of who you are, but I'd like to hear your thoughts anyway. If you had to choose between a mission and the person you cared about the most, which would you choose?
[ . . . . well, he hums softly at that, trying to think. it's not something he's had to consider before, a crossroads he's yet to encounter. he's been lucky, but it's a rare time where he feels a bit young.]
This body is still new to me... it's hard to imagine choosing anything besides the mission - even though I've seen the way that my comrades have suffered the pain in their hearts in order to complete what must be done.
But... my brother would likely not forgive me, if I were to abandon our mission to protect history and the humans in our charge. If I were to save him, if it would make him look at me differently than he does now...
[if it would compromise some of that overwhelming love, the adoration, the trust—]
... is it normal? To think that might ache just as badly as losing him? Is that selfish...?
[What an answer. He listens and he ends up thinking a wide range of things that fluctuate back and forward, an argument already forming to counter, but...
...but. Something about that also makes sense, because it's the same answer he was actually thinking of. There's an awkward sort of laugh, a hand running through his hair and his gaze drifting toward the ceiling in response.]
Yeah. Yeah, it's more than satisfactory. [He sounds half-baffled and half-relieved.] ...in our current history, it's the version of events where we didn't have to choose. That's why Carlos and I need to get back. I need to get back to her.
[...explain her, Junpei.] There's someone I would do anything for, even if there are things I'm sure she'll do and choose over me. But there's one timeline where it isn't like that, and that's the timeline we worked for. That's...my own mission, I guess. To put it in sword-terms.
[ . . . and higekiri nods. what do you do when your mission is a person? what do you do when your mission and what's right don't always align? he has yet to have to make that choice, but hearing junpei talk, he can't help but think that this human has suffered many more lifetimes worth than most others.
he offers up a smile]
... thank you for telling me. I would like to help you complete your mission as much as I can. It sounds important, and like something you've worked very hard for.
[A nod of agreement.] ...I spent a really long time trying to find her. I'm not losing her again. [But it's kind of nice to hear that.]
With the way things are now, all we can do is really start to watch people and make sure they're trying to work together. It's the only way we're going to get back, even if they're in, uh, sub-units? I guess. [...] What would really help me is helping me talk to people and learn more about them. If we can figure out what might be the connection between all of us and who might be working against us, that'll keep us ahead of whatever's coming next.
[said with some level of understanding - being separated from someone countless times, huh...?
well, he doesn't seem like he's going to mention much about it, given that junpei is moving on]
Mm, I can agree with that. It's easier to discern what people might do if you watch them closely enough. I'll try to be talking to um... Chuuya soon in order to get more answers as well.
...thanks. [He hopes so? That's his fiancée!! But he doesn't elaborate and they're moving on and maybe someday they'll talk about this again. As it is, Junpei has to think on that again.]
I've talked to everybody once or twice so far, some more than others. There are some that're harder to read, like Kagachi or Illumi. There are some that're keeping themselves scarce like Catra and Muzet and Monika. And there are some that are wildcards like Taako and Dimitri and Maou.
Hm... I don't know the people you mentioned being scarce - but I know the others at least fairly well, I think.
[higekiri.... has to pull out his clamshell to check in with the names that junpei said, nodding along before... seeming to go back to each person and being down to deliver a report here and now on them]
Kagachi may be hard to read, but he's rather open to talking if you ask questions in a steady enough rhythm. Everything he says implies that he has a very strong moral fiber, and is willing to do whatever it takes to help the people here. He doesn't have a great number of words, but the ones that he speaks seem to be truthful.
Illumi is an assassin, who was raised as an assassin and with no other desires in life. I believe he'll be motivated by the currency system, but he also reacts strongly when he's told that he's cared about. Even though he says he's not meant to have other desires, I believe he's not being very honest with himself about what he wants in the world.
Taako... I know him less, but he's rather happy to talk about himself. People like that... I think they must be rather self-focused, but there are probably some people or concepts he has loyalty to. For now, he's probably most interested in what would be the greatest benefit to himself, I think.
Maou seems like a storybook character - doesn't he? [higekiri actually pauses, extending one hand overhead and the other directly in front of him] The type that is scene in plays... I do not know much about him, but I do believe he might be doing his best to assist in the ways he knows how.
[and finally, dimitri -
he offers a soft smile, his expression fonder:]
As for Dimitri... I don't know if he's as much of a wildcard as you may think. He's very... sweet. If he becomes a problem or a danger to the people here, I will cut him down myself.
[Uh. What the fuck? THIS IS. A LOT. As Higekiri talks, Junpei's eyes grow progressively wider as he takes in all of that information. Parts of it are things he's noticed himself, but they're built on with Higekiri's accounts and create a better picture. It gives him ideas and a sense of direction, and it helps him decide what and who to prioritize when it comes to making sure people will cooperate.]
I. Wow. That was way more thorough than I expected, thanks. [He stops looking visibly shocked and manages to think everything over.] ....all of this is really good to know. It helps for whenever you talk to those people, so I'll keep it in mind.
[...now that he thinks about it maybe he shouldn't be so shocked Higekiri got these people to open up a little.] Call me impressed. Nice job.
[he crosses an arm over his chest and bends at the waist, bowing as if he's just finished giving a report]
Mm, thank you.
... Some of my orders in the past were based on observing others, making judgments, trying to discern their thoughts... Even if sometimes I do not know if I understand humanity enough in order to be able to do so here, let me know if there's any that I might be able to assist with.
I remain at a disadvantage with anything technological... but I can do my best with other facets.
[He's slowly starting to figure out how to talk to the genjis, at least, because it's similar to how Hizamaru replies when he asks questions.]
I can see why. Even for not really understanding everything about humanity that was a pretty good assessment. For now that should do it, but...I'd appreciate any help in the future.
Likewise, I can help with anything you don't know in this place. Technology-wise or anything. I've had plenty of practice. [...teamwork? Teamwork.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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We finally found the right timeline to get out of the game alive, but instead of going home we came here instead. [Punchpunch.] We were supposed to work together to leave, and instead he had to be a fucking hero and chase after someone who turned around and betrayed him! It wasn't even worth it and I don't even know if he's mad!
[So instead Junpei will be mad on his own behalf? Sure.] We've died and come back too many times for either of us to die here. He should have thought of something else!
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The expression on his face remains neutral - aside from the slight furrow of his brows as he tries to understand Junpei's emotions.]
You wanted him to be smarter, more selfish, so he wouldn't leave you.
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It's also nice that his expression gives no tells, though the states are pressing in ways he's not thrilled with either.]
They weren't supposed to be the same. [It's kind of snarled, but apparently there's something a little deeper here.] Both of them wanted to be a team and work together, but the minute something comes up they'll abandon what we're doing for their own goals. No matter how stupid or crazy or dangerous they are, they do it without even telling me what's going on or why things have to be this way!
[And there's one more solid punch before he seems to tire himself out, breathing uneven and shoulders slumped just a bit before he slows down.] ...why am I the selfish one for wanting things to work the way I want them to instead of whatever might be the most heroic or good?
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I don't think you're selfish.
I think you're doing the best that you know how to do - with these circumstances, and these people.
[he tilts his head]
... You must miss them - to feel so angry at their loss.
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...I've only known Carlos for about a week before the week we spent here. It was a game like this. We've done a lot to survive, but I've also watched both him and Akane die across multiple timelines. There were timelines that Carlos killed me. There were timelines I killed him. There were timelines I was killed and timelines Akane left because her goals were more important and timelines Carlos doomed six million people and--
--[This is probably too, like, intense and babbling so he wraps it up.] It took a lot of work to find the right timeline all of us could escape together. Of course I miss them.
[He's also just mad that he couldn't stop Carlos from being a good person and feels kind of weird about being so mad.]
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he didn't think that he'd meet a human who would understand that idea both so clearly and yet have the power the evade it]
Would you like to take a snack break - and then try to hit me some more? I could give you tips on your form.
[ . . . ]
Or you can continue to talk like this, and it'll be our secret.
It must be difficult to carry things so heavy in your heart. If you'll let me help you carry them, I will.
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...I'm not really sure what option I want. [It's said carefully because he's hoping maybe he can make a decision.] ...did I tell you I snapped at Nightwing the other day? [He did not, it's a segue to a related topic.] He was so proud to be a superhero and talk about how heroes are meant to help everyone and how good they are. I don't even know why I said it, but just because I think heroes eventually give up it wasn't fair to tell him that.
How is talking about any of this going to help us work together and get out of here? The broadcast said that things changed after the first week, after the first group lived in harmony for that amount of time. It was supposed to be easier to trust people here and work with them when I had someone else who already knew everything that needed to be said.
[i.e. "it was easier to play the game and do my job when I had Carlos I could sort my issues with because he already knew about them."]
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Because he already knew you, and could understand you better so it was easier to tell what was going on in your mind...?
[higekiri tilts his head at that]
Would you let me get to know you? I am not the same as um... Carlos - but if it would make it easier for you...
[he doesn't mind learning more about junpei, and trying to ease the burden that he carries]
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[Then again, the offer is a bit confusing.] ...sometimes it feels like it isn't that simple anymore. [It's not a no.] I have things I have to get back to, and I'll do whatever I can to make that happen. Even if that means going with my own plans instead of everyone else's.
[He's jumping around on the topic and he knows that, but the crux of it all is trusting people is hard when he's not sure how they'll work together.] But I guess we work together pretty well. I don't know what humans you've been getting to know here, but not all of us are great at sharing. [The point, Junpei?]
...maybe it's not a bad idea. We're all in the same position anyway, aren't we?
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[and he doesn't sound like he minds it?? because at the end of the day, higekiri is a sword who was forged for the purpose of protecting humanity. he has his ideals, but he never once expected any human to hold onto the same ones. they all should think of nothing more than just living their own lives]
But... you and I are comrades.
I wish to see to your safety, no matter what that means.
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[But it also doesn't have to be this way either, and he knows that. He knows the value of teamwork and friends and he's a little more comfortable than he was on the first day.]
...ideally, I'd like to see everyone leave this place alive. Realistically, we know that isn't going to happen. [Mm...] But yeah. You and I are comrades, and...if you're going to let me rely on you, it better be the same for you. Even if you're a sword, human nature can sometimes cause more damage than a blade.
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they are rarely stories made only of kindness.]
If I can think of something that I need - aside from my brother's continued existence at my side, I will let you know.
[he can manage that much but]
I will not blame you for protecting yourself in the ways that you need to. After all, you need to reunite with your comrades from home.... Do you want to tell me more about them? About what happened to you?
[if he's missing someone who naturally understands - then higekiri can at least offer to substitute that person in the ways that he can]
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Thanks. [The offer is still one he thinks he should and wouldn't mind taking, but...] I think I have a question for you before that. And maybe the answer will be different because of who you are, but I'd like to hear your thoughts anyway. If you had to choose between a mission and the person you cared about the most, which would you choose?
[1/2]
This body is still new to me... it's hard to imagine choosing anything besides the mission - even though I've seen the way that my comrades have suffered the pain in their hearts in order to complete what must be done.
But... my brother would likely not forgive me, if I were to abandon our mission to protect history and the humans in our charge. If I were to save him, if it would make him look at me differently than he does now...
[if it would compromise some of that overwhelming love, the adoration, the trust—]
... is it normal? To think that might ache just as badly as losing him? Is that selfish...?
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But perhaps I would simply prefer to look for a version of events in which I did not have to choose.
Is that answer satisfactory?
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...but. Something about that also makes sense, because it's the same answer he was actually thinking of. There's an awkward sort of laugh, a hand running through his hair and his gaze drifting toward the ceiling in response.]
Yeah. Yeah, it's more than satisfactory. [He sounds half-baffled and half-relieved.] ...in our current history, it's the version of events where we didn't have to choose. That's why Carlos and I need to get back. I need to get back to her.
[...explain her, Junpei.] There's someone I would do anything for, even if there are things I'm sure she'll do and choose over me. But there's one timeline where it isn't like that, and that's the timeline we worked for. That's...my own mission, I guess. To put it in sword-terms.
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he offers up a smile]
... thank you for telling me. I would like to help you complete your mission as much as I can. It sounds important, and like something you've worked very hard for.
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With the way things are now, all we can do is really start to watch people and make sure they're trying to work together. It's the only way we're going to get back, even if they're in, uh, sub-units? I guess. [...] What would really help me is helping me talk to people and learn more about them. If we can figure out what might be the connection between all of us and who might be working against us, that'll keep us ahead of whatever's coming next.
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[said with some level of understanding - being separated from someone countless times, huh...?
well, he doesn't seem like he's going to mention much about it, given that junpei is moving on]
Mm, I can agree with that. It's easier to discern what people might do if you watch them closely enough. I'll try to be talking to um... Chuuya soon in order to get more answers as well.
Who do you need to know more about?
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I've talked to everybody once or twice so far, some more than others. There are some that're harder to read, like Kagachi or Illumi. There are some that're keeping themselves scarce like Catra and Muzet and Monika. And there are some that are wildcards like Taako and Dimitri and Maou.
But it's only been a week.
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[higekiri.... has to pull out his clamshell to check in with the names that junpei said, nodding along before... seeming to go back to each person and being down to deliver a report here and now on them]
Kagachi may be hard to read, but he's rather open to talking if you ask questions in a steady enough rhythm. Everything he says implies that he has a very strong moral fiber, and is willing to do whatever it takes to help the people here. He doesn't have a great number of words, but the ones that he speaks seem to be truthful.
Illumi is an assassin, who was raised as an assassin and with no other desires in life. I believe he'll be motivated by the currency system, but he also reacts strongly when he's told that he's cared about. Even though he says he's not meant to have other desires, I believe he's not being very honest with himself about what he wants in the world.
Taako... I know him less, but he's rather happy to talk about himself. People like that... I think they must be rather self-focused, but there are probably some people or concepts he has loyalty to. For now, he's probably most interested in what would be the greatest benefit to himself, I think.
Maou seems like a storybook character - doesn't he? [higekiri actually pauses, extending one hand overhead and the other directly in front of him] The type that is scene in plays... I do not know much about him, but I do believe he might be doing his best to assist in the ways he knows how.
[and finally, dimitri -
he offers a soft smile, his expression fonder:]
As for Dimitri... I don't know if he's as much of a wildcard as you may think. He's very... sweet. If he becomes a problem or a danger to the people here, I will cut him down myself.
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I. Wow. That was way more thorough than I expected, thanks. [He stops looking visibly shocked and manages to think everything over.] ....all of this is really good to know. It helps for whenever you talk to those people, so I'll keep it in mind.
[...now that he thinks about it maybe he shouldn't be so shocked Higekiri got these people to open up a little.] Call me impressed. Nice job.
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Mm, thank you.
... Some of my orders in the past were based on observing others, making judgments, trying to discern their thoughts... Even if sometimes I do not know if I understand humanity enough in order to be able to do so here, let me know if there's any that I might be able to assist with.
I remain at a disadvantage with anything technological... but I can do my best with other facets.
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I can see why. Even for not really understanding everything about humanity that was a pretty good assessment. For now that should do it, but...I'd appreciate any help in the future.
Likewise, I can help with anything you don't know in this place. Technology-wise or anything. I've had plenty of practice. [...teamwork? Teamwork.]
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[he looks relieved at that at the very least]
I'll hope that our future goes as smoothly as it can.
(no subject)