[...he tightens his grip on Dick's hand a little.]
Yeah, she does that. It happens. [There's a shrug.] She told me really early on that foxes are jealous creatures, but we made an agreement when the rules changed. Just do me a favor and tell me it didn't involve death threats?
Yeah she actually hates most humans. [Sound less fond, Junpei.] And for a good reason, but we're working on that.
I'm still not sure how I got into this arrangement with her, but...I'm glad it happened. Even if she originally wanted to swap rooms so that I wouldn't be sleeping here.
She'd probably find a new reason to be mad. She got pretty annoyed when she realized I'm an esper. [That was his own fault. But...there's a light huff at that.]
It would've changed pretty much everything, but I told her no in the beginning. I wanted her to stay and keep an eye on Zero, but it's also weird to think of how things would've been without you and Escha.
[Dick sure would have fucking died but it's nice that he didn't and that they don't have to know that!!]
[He just. Pushes on Dick's face and makes a displeased groan.]
You can stop making fun of me any time now. [Jerk.] I already got that it's stupid to be jealous of anything, especially here. [...it's sort of funny, and yet.]
...it just means I like you a lot. But I figured you already knew that anyway.
[ he's cackling when he's being pushed away, though he uses his other hand to grab junpei's. now they are holding BOTH hands. they are TWICE as gay. he looks stupidly fond when he stops laughing ]
Yeah. [ he kisses junpei's cheek ] Still nice to hear.
[ he already said it himself he's not doing it again?? ]
[This is an overload of gay but like. It's fine? He's appeased which means Dick has both hands easily and he's turning his head enough to kiss his lips instead. Great. Let's just make this incredibly stupid.
But...there's a pause.]
...so then you'd also know that anything that was going on before this doesn't change that. [Right? God maybe he should just shut the fuck up, but also it's maybe better to do this himself before Tamamo says anything.] Or it doesn't change that for me, I mean. I already told you before that how I feel about you has kinda been a thing for a while.
[He's already called out and embarrassed, may as well go all out here.]
[ well. it's very nice to have a reminder that junpei's liked him for a while even if dick still refuses to ask how long is a while, but. he tilts his head a bit ]
What's this about?
[ if he sounds wary it's because junpei is making it sound like a pre-apology, and that's. worrying. ]
[He frowns a little because he can pick up on that tone well enough.]
Alternate timeline stuff. Does...I mean does it matter to you? Maybe I should ask that, first. I told you a while ago that we've been SHIFTing to different histories back home. [He's still holding both of Dick's hands and apparently has no intention of letting go.] It gets a little confusing, but I kind of feel like maybe you deserve to know a little more about why this took so long.
...or I can shut up and just. Not. [Ahhh intensifies.]
Dude. [ is it possible to be both fond and exasperated, because that's dick right now. ] Rambling. If it's important enough you wanted to tell me, then tell me. [ he's not like. trying to pull his hands away, either? ] Especially since if you don't now, I'd just spend the whole time we've got left trying to figure out what you're hiding.
...I spent the entire year between the Nonary Game and the Decision Game looking for Akane. That's how I got trapped in that second game. I found out she was going to be at Dcom and kind of forced my way into the list of candidates. In one timeline of the game, I proposed to her. [...] In that same timeline, she also chose to erase my memories because the plans she had for herself fell apart. We jumped to a few different timelines after that and the idea of being with her was kinda always in the back of my head.
[But.] But like I said, that doesn't change what happened here and that I'm gonna go back remembering all of this. There are a lot of versions of myself that I remember and I'm assuming I'm the true alpha version or whatever you want to call it. [A beat.] Tamamo knows about her, and obviously so does Carlos. It wouldn't be fair not to tell you even if maybe it doesn't matter so much when it comes to how I feel about you.
[This is why he doesn't. Fucking. Tell Dick things.] ...I've known for a while and I wasn't sure what to do about it, but eventually it didn't matter. All I figured out was that you matter to me way more than I thought and I don't regret that.
[ this is... a lot. and not, at the same time? because it's an alternate timeline and it's before this mess of a cruise and it's not like dick himself didn't have his ... thing with barbara. though proposing is-- a lot more than that. it's a lot more than that, but it's not like they're even... he lets go of one of junpei's hand to run a hand through his hair. he's at least not going straight for the wing preening. ]
We're not... [ he feels unbalanced, caught flat-footed, and yet it makes so much sense. a kind of duh moment in retrospect. of course the dude's in love with akane. dick's learned enough about his life to guess as much. still. proposing's... a big deal. and dick's-- ] This ... thing between us was always going to be temporary. We've kinda got a known deadline. It's-- I mean, I, I'm glad you told me [ even if part of dick kind of wishes he'd known earlier! ha ha. ] but it's. It's fine. [ he lets out a little laugh, awkward, looking down ] Kinda wish I could say it changes how I feel about you, actually.
[ it's said lightly, like it's a joke. because now he's the idiot who feels jealous in that kind of brittle way he does when he gets the impression he's being replaced, which he hasn't felt in years, and also-- it's stupid? dick's the temporary replacement here. and even that's an unfair thought, but it's there and dick hates that this is happening when his emotions are a fucking mess because part of him is kind of in love with higekiri right now and this is the Worst Timing junpei sucks ]
[He will snap Dick's hand if he starts preening. Dick lets go of one of his hands and Junpei promptly curls it into a loose fist to make sure his hand doesn't betray any of his feelings at the moment. As it is, he settles to listen to Dick try to figure out what to say, wholly aware he has awful timing and kind of feeling like a huge asshole but what else is new? It's still something Dick needed to know, he thinks, something better said now than at the end, and yet...]
...it's probably temporary for you, yeah. [And he accepted that a while ago, just by nature of who he is as a person.] There's no guarantee people will remember anything when we leave this place, but I went into this knowing I probably would just because of the Morphogenetic Field. And even if it was temporary for us, I've spent more time having...whatever this is between us reciprocated than I've had with her. It's like I told Carlos. One day I just realized that maybe the girl I thought I knew wasn't really real at all, and I didn't know anything. But I wanted to do everything I could to make sure she wasn't bearing the weight of the world on her own shoulders.
[...] Coming here, I didn't think I'd ever feel the same way about anybody, but it's like I told Beck. I've never...had anybody else. It just never happened for me, and there were nine years between the last time Akane and I saw each other and the Nonary Game where I saved her and she ditched us in Nevada.
I don't really know what to call this thing between us, but I'm not looking at the deadline on it. I don't mind if you are. [There's a half grin.] Kinda used to being the one to care way too much. [It's also said like a joke except for the part where he's actually genuinely wondering if this is going to regress and he should've kept his mouth shut. "Good job, Junpei. You ruined another relationship trying to understand your own intense emotions." But at least he knows better than to say it out loud, and instead he turns his head for press his lips to the side of Dick's face. "Let me fix this."]
I'm not going to forget. That's not what I was saying.
[ it's snapped, a bit, because that's not what he meant. none of that is what he meant. he grabs at junpei's shirt to pull him in for a proper kiss after the cheek one, short and-- yeah, okay, angry. it's easier to go with indignant than anything else he might feel, and if there's one thing dick's tried to reign in this whole game, it's his temper, because he's not always fair with his anger. this, though? this feels justified. ]
You can't just-- tell me about the girl you proposed to back home-- in an alternate timeline, I know, I get it-- and how you've been thinking about it for weeks and then expect me not to-- what was I supposed to think, here? [ it's exasperated. ] How many times do you need me to say it, Junpei? I like you. You're... one of the main reasons I've even managed to keep sane in this place, even though the only useful things I've done are play doctor after people get themselves injured recklessly and kill someone. I didn't go along with whatever this is for fun, or because I knew it'd have to be temporary. I did because I have feelings for you despite the fact that we're on a sex demon cruise and I should really be putting the mission first.
[There it is. Like yes, okay, he's a little surprised and there's a startled sound when Dick grabs his shirt to kiss him, but it's not like he doesn't kiss back? He kisses back and pulls away to let Dick talk and...
...it's actually a response he likes because it's sort of what he was hoping for. Dick tapping into whatever the fuck's going on in his head, explaining some things and yeah, sure, maybe this was a tiny bit manipulative on his part but it's not like Dick would ever tell him on his own. Sometimes you just kind of have to push buttons.
(Sometimes you know how to get people to talk because people use these same tricks on you.)
So he lets Dick rant for a minute before he kind of grabs Dick's chin with his free hand to hold him still.]
Ever think that maybe this was part of the mission? We've been told from day one that we're supposed to trust each other and I trust you with my entire life. Alright? [And then he just. Furrows his eyebrows together to go backwards for a second.] You don't have to say it if it's really that annoying, but sorry I'm still sort of shocked someone I really like actually likes me back despite the odds here. [Sometimes! The girl you want to marry just abandons you with no explanation, evades your questions and erases your memories and makes you question emotions! It happens!
But okay, dialing it back a second, he gives him another once over.] ...is that what's eating at you right now? How useful you're being?
[ Dick lets him hold him, eyes narrowed. He doesn't answer the first part because that's insane, the mission never involves feelings you absolute fool, and because the second part is more important-- ]
Doesn't matter how annoying it is, I'll say it every day until you start believing me.
[ it's a strong declaration from team doesn't talk about feelings and hasn't put a label on their clearly dating selves yet, but then there's. hm. that, and dick wrenches his face away ]
What? It's not-- eating at me. [ not anymore than usual, at least, considering. superhero! people dying! can't do shit! ]
[Wonder if that's why Junpei keeps failing missions. Wild. Anyway he bites the inside of his cheek to choke down an argument (and also the weird flutter of happiness that's really out of place right now, holy shit, bad timing) but he lets Dick pull away.
He still has his other hand, after all, and he's hanging onto it a little tighter as a reminder.]
Bullshit it's not. [...] ...it bothers me too. Maybe not the same level it gets to you because I'm not a superhero and I never have been, but I kind of think maybe I get the idea of doing a lot but not doing enough.
You've saved a lot of people here. Including the ones you've exorcised, because none of us should have to deal with that kind of fate.
[ yeah, dick's not letting go of junpei's hand even through this, though he looks away with a sigh and a wee little wing flutter because apparently they're being the full gay during furry week. that's happening. ]
Yeah, alright. Sure. [ this is clearly the sound of someone who believes what they've just said? dick doesn't want to talk about this, is the thing, since he thinks what's bothering him is... stupid, and has thought so from the start. suck it up and get traught already, buttercup, before you end up a detriment to the mission and yourself. more than you already have been. ]
[That sure is happening. He's also not really sure what the right move is. Unfortunately for both of them, Junpei, when he feels like he can trust someone enough and when he cares enough, is a very affectionate creature even on a normal basis. He's not sure what will and won't work for Dick so...handholding it is, even if he's trying to tug him closer. Come the fuck here, idiot.]
I'll say it every day until you start believing me. [And sure, alright, it's not the same context but he's 100% serious anyway.] ...I think I told you a while ago that my head's a mess. Surprisingly it doesn't get much cleaner when I ignore it. Weird, right?
[It's not "tell me what you're thinking" or "tell me what's wrong", but it's more of a "it's probably not as bad as you think and if you want to trust me enough, I'll listen."]
[ FINE he will ACCEPT to be tugged closer so they can cuddle in this very. wild. conversation. partially because having his own words thrown back to him just make him sigh again, though this time it's at least more fond ]
I've only had the one counseling session, and it was more than enough for me. [ it's wry. ] I know... what's going on in my head. [ he kind of always does. dick tries to be self-aware, though whether he acts positively on that or not is... touch and go. ] And I know it doesn't make sense, but I-- I know I could, should be doing more than I am. But instead I'm-- causing a distraction in the middle of a murder trial.
[Listen he'll count it as a victory. Cuddling is always a win but also it means he doesn't have to exactly look at him but still be close.]
That's a start. [Knowing what's up, and not for the first time Junpei finds himself thinking about his own issues. Oh well. Away with those.] I'm going to take at least 50% of the credit for that considering I'm an expert at picking fights that nobody needs and I kinda made it worse trying to fx it. [Dryly. But...he nudges him a little.]
A lot of stuff doesn't make sense but that doesn't stop it from, like...being a thing. But...humor me a sec. What do you think you should be doing? What is "more" in this case?
[ that's all dick says on that, because he knows if junpei hadn't stepped in dick would've snapped himself. doesn't mean he likes thinking about it. ]
Figuring things out? [ it's vague, because it's hard to explain. ] We're six weeks in and I'm not anywhere closer to finding a solution to anything. Haven't got a plan of action, either. This whole time, I've just been-- reacting.
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and then: ]
Okay, I'm sorry. Your fox wife cornered me.
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Yeah, she does that. It happens. [There's a shrug.] She told me really early on that foxes are jealous creatures, but we made an agreement when the rules changed. Just do me a favor and tell me it didn't involve death threats?
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[ he looks. amused by that ]
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I'm still not sure how I got into this arrangement with her, but...I'm glad it happened. Even if she originally wanted to swap rooms so that I wouldn't be sleeping here.
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[ it's joking, though the rest of it is. hm. ]
... That... would've changed a lot, huh?
[ dick would've kept those stdemons and died NOT THAT HE KNOWS THAT ]
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It would've changed pretty much everything, but I told her no in the beginning. I wanted her to stay and keep an eye on Zero, but it's also weird to think of how things would've been without you and Escha.
[Dick sure would have fucking died but it's nice that he didn't and that they don't have to know that!!]
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I'd have wound up in someone else's bedroom tonight instead.
[ no he didn't forget junpei was jealous and yes it is, absolutely, still funny. ]
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You can stop making fun of me any time now. [Jerk.] I already got that it's stupid to be jealous of anything, especially here. [...it's sort of funny, and yet.]
...it just means I like you a lot. But I figured you already knew that anyway.
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Yeah. [ he kisses junpei's cheek ] Still nice to hear.
[ he already said it himself he's not doing it again?? ]
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But...there's a pause.]
...so then you'd also know that anything that was going on before this doesn't change that. [Right? God maybe he should just shut the fuck up, but also it's maybe better to do this himself before Tamamo says anything.] Or it doesn't change that for me, I mean. I already told you before that how I feel about you has kinda been a thing for a while.
[He's already called out and embarrassed, may as well go all out here.]
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What's this about?
[ if he sounds wary it's because junpei is making it sound like a pre-apology, and that's. worrying. ]
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Alternate timeline stuff. Does...I mean does it matter to you? Maybe I should ask that, first. I told you a while ago that we've been SHIFTing to different histories back home. [He's still holding both of Dick's hands and apparently has no intention of letting go.] It gets a little confusing, but I kind of feel like maybe you deserve to know a little more about why this took so long.
...or I can shut up and just. Not. [Ahhh intensifies.]
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...I spent the entire year between the Nonary Game and the Decision Game looking for Akane. That's how I got trapped in that second game. I found out she was going to be at Dcom and kind of forced my way into the list of candidates. In one timeline of the game, I proposed to her. [...] In that same timeline, she also chose to erase my memories because the plans she had for herself fell apart. We jumped to a few different timelines after that and the idea of being with her was kinda always in the back of my head.
[But.] But like I said, that doesn't change what happened here and that I'm gonna go back remembering all of this. There are a lot of versions of myself that I remember and I'm assuming I'm the true alpha version or whatever you want to call it. [A beat.] Tamamo knows about her, and obviously so does Carlos. It wouldn't be fair not to tell you even if maybe it doesn't matter so much when it comes to how I feel about you.
[This is why he doesn't. Fucking. Tell Dick things.] ...I've known for a while and I wasn't sure what to do about it, but eventually it didn't matter. All I figured out was that you matter to me way more than I thought and I don't regret that.
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We're not... [ he feels unbalanced, caught flat-footed, and yet it makes so much sense. a kind of duh moment in retrospect. of course the dude's in love with akane. dick's learned enough about his life to guess as much. still. proposing's... a big deal. and dick's-- ] This ... thing between us was always going to be temporary. We've kinda got a known deadline. It's-- I mean, I, I'm glad you told me [ even if part of dick kind of wishes he'd known earlier! ha ha. ] but it's. It's fine. [ he lets out a little laugh, awkward, looking down ] Kinda wish I could say it changes how I feel about you, actually.
[ it's said lightly, like it's a joke. because now he's the idiot who feels jealous in that kind of brittle way he does when he gets the impression he's being replaced, which he hasn't felt in years, and also-- it's stupid? dick's the temporary replacement here. and even that's an unfair thought, but it's there and dick hates that this is happening when his emotions are a fucking mess because part of him is kind of in love with higekiri right now and this is the Worst Timing junpei sucks ]
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...it's probably temporary for you, yeah. [And he accepted that a while ago, just by nature of who he is as a person.] There's no guarantee people will remember anything when we leave this place, but I went into this knowing I probably would just because of the Morphogenetic Field. And even if it was temporary for us, I've spent more time having...whatever this is between us reciprocated than I've had with her. It's like I told Carlos. One day I just realized that maybe the girl I thought I knew wasn't really real at all, and I didn't know anything. But I wanted to do everything I could to make sure she wasn't bearing the weight of the world on her own shoulders.
[...] Coming here, I didn't think I'd ever feel the same way about anybody, but it's like I told Beck. I've never...had anybody else. It just never happened for me, and there were nine years between the last time Akane and I saw each other and the Nonary Game where I saved her and she ditched us in Nevada.
I don't really know what to call this thing between us, but I'm not looking at the deadline on it. I don't mind if you are. [There's a half grin.] Kinda used to being the one to care way too much. [It's also said like a joke except for the part where he's actually genuinely wondering if this is going to regress and he should've kept his mouth shut. "Good job, Junpei. You ruined another relationship trying to understand your own intense emotions." But at least he knows better than to say it out loud, and instead he turns his head for press his lips to the side of Dick's face. "Let me fix this."]
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[ it's snapped, a bit, because that's not what he meant. none of that is what he meant. he grabs at junpei's shirt to pull him in for a proper kiss after the cheek one, short and-- yeah, okay, angry. it's easier to go with indignant than anything else he might feel, and if there's one thing dick's tried to reign in this whole game, it's his temper, because he's not always fair with his anger. this, though? this feels justified. ]
You can't just-- tell me about the girl you proposed to back home-- in an alternate timeline, I know, I get it-- and how you've been thinking about it for weeks and then expect me not to-- what was I supposed to think, here? [ it's exasperated. ] How many times do you need me to say it, Junpei? I like you. You're... one of the main reasons I've even managed to keep sane in this place, even though the only useful things I've done are play doctor after people get themselves injured recklessly and kill someone. I didn't go along with whatever this is for fun, or because I knew it'd have to be temporary. I did because I have feelings for you despite the fact that we're on a sex demon cruise and I should really be putting the mission first.
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...it's actually a response he likes because it's sort of what he was hoping for. Dick tapping into whatever the fuck's going on in his head, explaining some things and yeah, sure, maybe this was a tiny bit manipulative on his part but it's not like Dick would ever tell him on his own. Sometimes you just kind of have to push buttons.
(Sometimes you know how to get people to talk because people use these same tricks on you.)
So he lets Dick rant for a minute before he kind of grabs Dick's chin with his free hand to hold him still.]
Ever think that maybe this was part of the mission? We've been told from day one that we're supposed to trust each other and I trust you with my entire life. Alright? [And then he just. Furrows his eyebrows together to go backwards for a second.] You don't have to say it if it's really that annoying, but sorry I'm still sort of shocked someone I really like actually likes me back despite the odds here. [Sometimes! The girl you want to marry just abandons you with no explanation, evades your questions and erases your memories and makes you question emotions! It happens!
But okay, dialing it back a second, he gives him another once over.] ...is that what's eating at you right now? How useful you're being?
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Doesn't matter how annoying it is, I'll say it every day until you start believing me.
[ it's a strong declaration from team doesn't talk about feelings and hasn't put a label on their clearly dating selves yet, but then there's. hm. that, and dick wrenches his face away ]
What? It's not-- eating at me. [ not anymore than usual, at least, considering. superhero! people dying! can't do shit! ]
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He still has his other hand, after all, and he's hanging onto it a little tighter as a reminder.]
Bullshit it's not. [...] ...it bothers me too. Maybe not the same level it gets to you because I'm not a superhero and I never have been, but I kind of think maybe I get the idea of doing a lot but not doing enough.
You've saved a lot of people here. Including the ones you've exorcised, because none of us should have to deal with that kind of fate.
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Yeah, alright. Sure. [ this is clearly the sound of someone who believes what they've just said? dick doesn't want to talk about this, is the thing, since he thinks what's bothering him is... stupid, and has thought so from the start. suck it up and get traught already, buttercup, before you end up a detriment to the mission and yourself. more than you already have been. ]
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I'll say it every day until you start believing me. [And sure, alright, it's not the same context but he's 100% serious anyway.] ...I think I told you a while ago that my head's a mess. Surprisingly it doesn't get much cleaner when I ignore it. Weird, right?
[It's not "tell me what you're thinking" or "tell me what's wrong", but it's more of a "it's probably not as bad as you think and if you want to trust me enough, I'll listen."]
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I've only had the one counseling session, and it was more than enough for me. [ it's wry. ] I know... what's going on in my head. [ he kind of always does. dick tries to be self-aware, though whether he acts positively on that or not is... touch and go. ] And I know it doesn't make sense, but I-- I know I could, should be doing more than I am. But instead I'm-- causing a distraction in the middle of a murder trial.
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That's a start. [Knowing what's up, and not for the first time Junpei finds himself thinking about his own issues. Oh well. Away with those.] I'm going to take at least 50% of the credit for that considering I'm an expert at picking fights that nobody needs and I kinda made it worse trying to fx it. [Dryly. But...he nudges him a little.]
A lot of stuff doesn't make sense but that doesn't stop it from, like...being a thing. But...humor me a sec. What do you think you should be doing? What is "more" in this case?
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[ that's all dick says on that, because he knows if junpei hadn't stepped in dick would've snapped himself. doesn't mean he likes thinking about it. ]
Figuring things out? [ it's vague, because it's hard to explain. ] We're six weeks in and I'm not anywhere closer to finding a solution to anything. Haven't got a plan of action, either. This whole time, I've just been-- reacting.
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