[He's probably sitting out in the lobby, staring at the fountain dubiously. On the other hand, he hears Higekiri and when he speaks up he tilts his head back to face him.]
...kinda pissed, if you're really curious. [But he pulls his legs closer to give Hige room to sit on the edge of the fountain if he wants to join him.]
Yeah, you could say that. [Given the tone, it's maybe a little easy to tell that some of the anger is at Carlos himself.] We were teammates for a situation back home. Sort of thought we'd both stay alive and get out of here, but that's not really an option right now.
So maybe it's both. I know basic self-defense and basic firearms training for work, but everything else is made up. And I kind of do, but they're both gone so what's the point?
[A frustrated dude with no direction for his anger.] ...if Carlos had just stayed in his fucking room, this probably wouldn't have happened.
[Higekiri will move to place his sword on the ground so that it doesn't get in the way of their spar, and then stand from the fountain, undoing the fasten of the jacket on his shoulders to let it drape onto the fountain]
Come - hit me while you express your frustrations. It might feel better.
[??? he doesn't know for sure but]
You're angry at him for putting himself in a compromising situation?
[Nice - Junpei's punch will be caught in Higekiri's black glove. There's a little give so that Hige doesn't actually take the brunt of the damage, but there's at least a solid impact. He thinks that the feeling of hitting something will feel better than swinging and missing - so he'll let Junpei's swings impact with his own body.
Not that he seems to actually be in pain - and then he'll release Junpei's hand, then lifting his own with two fingers beckoning him to try again]
You want your dear person to be with you - instead of losing him for the sake of strangers.
[Smart plan, Higekiri. Junpei doesn't look too surprised that he seems unfazed, but he's swiping with his opposite fist this time. This is going to continue for a while, sorry my dude.]
We finally found the right timeline to get out of the game alive, but instead of going home we came here instead. [Punchpunch.] We were supposed to work together to leave, and instead he had to be a fucking hero and chase after someone who turned around and betrayed him! It wasn't even worth it and I don't even know if he's mad!
[So instead Junpei will be mad on his own behalf? Sure.] We've died and come back too many times for either of us to die here. He should have thought of something else!
[He doesn't seem to mind - he alternates which hand is catching Junpei's punches and each time his catch is firm, like he really is slamming into a punching bag but this one is just shaped like Higekiri.
The expression on his face remains neutral - aside from the slight furrow of his brows as he tries to understand Junpei's emotions.]
You wanted him to be smarter, more selfish, so he wouldn't leave you.
[Trying to understand Junpei's emotions is probably going to go as well as trying to understand most things about Junpei himself. He's not a boxer but he's seemingly into this Hige-punching bag system, especially when he sees he's not actively destroying the sword's hands.
It's also nice that his expression gives no tells, though the states are pressing in ways he's not thrilled with either.]
They weren't supposed to be the same. [It's kind of snarled, but apparently there's something a little deeper here.] Both of them wanted to be a team and work together, but the minute something comes up they'll abandon what we're doing for their own goals. No matter how stupid or crazy or dangerous they are, they do it without even telling me what's going on or why things have to be this way!
[And there's one more solid punch before he seems to tire himself out, breathing uneven and shoulders slumped just a bit before he slows down.] ...why am I the selfish one for wanting things to work the way I want them to instead of whatever might be the most heroic or good?
[ah - higekiri will take the last punch and instead of just releasing junpei's hand, he lets his fingers close around his fist, holding onto it instead. he gives it a brief squeeze, while his other hand goes to junpei's shoulder. higekiri doesn't seem that out of breath, though he does let out one long sigh just to relax himself out of a fighting position]
I don't think you're selfish.
I think you're doing the best that you know how to do - with these circumstances, and these people.
[he tilts his head]
... You must miss them - to feel so angry at their loss.
[He flexes his fingers under Higekiri's hand, not quite looking at him but also not bothering to knock his hands off. It's some sort of progress.]
...I've only known Carlos for about a week before the week we spent here. It was a game like this. We've done a lot to survive, but I've also watched both him and Akane die across multiple timelines. There were timelines that Carlos killed me. There were timelines I killed him. There were timelines I was killed and timelines Akane left because her goals were more important and timelines Carlos doomed six million people and--
--[This is probably too, like, intense and babbling so he wraps it up.] It took a lot of work to find the right timeline all of us could escape together. Of course I miss them.
[He's also just mad that he couldn't stop Carlos from being a good person and feels kind of weird about being so mad.]
[higekiri will eventually let go of junpei's hand, letting him relax hopefully even as he listens to his explanation quietly and sincerely. mm, it sounds familiar and yet not. the different timelines that can exist in the world, where it can be so hard to find the right ending that can make everyone happy. not everyone gets do-overs. many times, people must live with their choices and never know of another life where things could have been different.
he didn't think that he'd meet a human who would understand that idea both so clearly and yet have the power the evade it]
Would you like to take a snack break - and then try to hit me some more? I could give you tips on your form.
[ . . . ]
Or you can continue to talk like this, and it'll be our secret.
It must be difficult to carry things so heavy in your heart. If you'll let me help you carry them, I will.
[He lets his hand drop to his side, fingers uncurling and gaze focused on his shoes instead. It's hard to say if the fighting was effective, but it did sort of help so that's nice. It's a complicated situation to explain, especially without all of the details, but Higekiri predictably allows him to talk before handling the conversation in his own nonchalant way.]
...I'm not really sure what option I want. [It's said carefully because he's hoping maybe he can make a decision.] ...did I tell you I snapped at Nightwing the other day? [He did not, it's a segue to a related topic.] He was so proud to be a superhero and talk about how heroes are meant to help everyone and how good they are. I don't even know why I said it, but just because I think heroes eventually give up it wasn't fair to tell him that.
How is talking about any of this going to help us work together and get out of here? The broadcast said that things changed after the first week, after the first group lived in harmony for that amount of time. It was supposed to be easier to trust people here and work with them when I had someone else who already knew everything that needed to be said.
[i.e. "it was easier to play the game and do my job when I had Carlos I could sort my issues with because he already knew about them."]
[higekiri nods along at that.... humming thoughtfully. he lets junpei talk, not seeming to judge in the slightest. it remains that out of all the humans he's seen over his years, even someone like junpei who might be seen as selfish is still far from the worst that higekiri has ever encountered.]
Because he already knew you, and could understand you better so it was easier to tell what was going on in your mind...?
[higekiri tilts his head at that]
Would you let me get to know you? I am not the same as um... Carlos - but if it would make it easier for you...
[he doesn't mind learning more about junpei, and trying to ease the burden that he carries]
Yeah, exactly. Even though we only knew each other for a short time before this, a lot changed in that week. He knows me and he knows Akane and he knows the Decision Game and the powers we can use. It was easier to talk to him when I didn't have to explain everything.
[Then again, the offer is a bit confusing.] ...sometimes it feels like it isn't that simple anymore. [It's not a no.] I have things I have to get back to, and I'll do whatever I can to make that happen. Even if that means going with my own plans instead of everyone else's.
[He's jumping around on the topic and he knows that, but the crux of it all is trusting people is hard when he's not sure how they'll work together.] But I guess we work together pretty well. I don't know what humans you've been getting to know here, but not all of us are great at sharing. [The point, Junpei?]
...maybe it's not a bad idea. We're all in the same position anyway, aren't we?
Haha, some of you really dislike being vulnerable - but that is a facet of humanity, isn't it? You all have to protect yourselves in the way that you know how. I think what you're doing is similar to that.
[and he doesn't sound like he minds it?? because at the end of the day, higekiri is a sword who was forged for the purpose of protecting humanity. he has his ideals, but he never once expected any human to hold onto the same ones. they all should think of nothing more than just living their own lives]
But... you and I are comrades.
I wish to see to your safety, no matter what that means.
Vulnerable humans are the ones who get taken out the fastest. Like I said, humanity isn't always the best thing to observe. People are ruthless and cold and dangerous and if you're not careful, that's...it. You don't stand much of a chance of survival.
[But it also doesn't have to be this way either, and he knows that. He knows the value of teamwork and friends and he's a little more comfortable than he was on the first day.]
...ideally, I'd like to see everyone leave this place alive. Realistically, we know that isn't going to happen. [Mm...] But yeah. You and I are comrades, and...if you're going to let me rely on you, it better be the same for you. Even if you're a sword, human nature can sometimes cause more damage than a blade.
[higekiri nods... because it's not like he disagrees. he's sworn to protect humanity, was regarded as the treasure of a samurai family for centuries. he's had more time to be in touch with humans than other swords, passed down through generations, and he's seen how they grow. he's seen how heroes are made, etched into legend with him at their side. they are rarely bloodless stories.
they are rarely stories made only of kindness.]
If I can think of something that I need - aside from my brother's continued existence at my side, I will let you know.
[he can manage that much but]
I will not blame you for protecting yourself in the ways that you need to. After all, you need to reunite with your comrades from home.... Do you want to tell me more about them? About what happened to you?
[if he's missing someone who naturally understands - then higekiri can at least offer to substitute that person in the ways that he can]
[He's not sure why, exactly, talking to Higekiri is weirdly calming but he doesn't feel placated and he isn't exactly offended that he's being prompted like he can be sometimes. He also feels better there's something of an agreement for an exchange. Despite everything, he still defaults to trying to help people even if he doesn't always understand how or why.]
Thanks. [The offer is still one he thinks he should and wouldn't mind taking, but...] I think I have a question for you before that. And maybe the answer will be different because of who you are, but I'd like to hear your thoughts anyway. If you had to choose between a mission and the person you cared about the most, which would you choose?
[ . . . . well, he hums softly at that, trying to think. it's not something he's had to consider before, a crossroads he's yet to encounter. he's been lucky, but it's a rare time where he feels a bit young.]
This body is still new to me... it's hard to imagine choosing anything besides the mission - even though I've seen the way that my comrades have suffered the pain in their hearts in order to complete what must be done.
But... my brother would likely not forgive me, if I were to abandon our mission to protect history and the humans in our charge. If I were to save him, if it would make him look at me differently than he does now...
[if it would compromise some of that overwhelming love, the adoration, the trust—]
... is it normal? To think that might ache just as badly as losing him? Is that selfish...?
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...kinda pissed, if you're really curious. [But he pulls his legs closer to give Hige room to sit on the edge of the fountain if he wants to join him.]
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Mm, I am. [really curious, that is]
Carlos was a dear comrade of yours, wasn't he?
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higekiri pauses at that before tilting his head]
Did you ever want to learn how to spar?
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...with how things have changed, it's not really a bad idea. We don't know what the demon looks like, but combat would help.
[And also burn off a lot of his anger, so. Sure.]
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[yea he mostly noticed how frustrated junpei sounded]
But I can try to teach you how to defend yourself, too.
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So maybe it's both. I know basic self-defense and basic firearms training for work, but everything else is made up. And I kind of do, but they're both gone so what's the point?
[A frustrated dude with no direction for his anger.] ...if Carlos had just stayed in his fucking room, this probably wouldn't have happened.
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Come - hit me while you express your frustrations. It might feel better.
[??? he doesn't know for sure but]
You're angry at him for putting himself in a compromising situation?
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He's giving Higekiri a curious look, debating if he'll actually be hurting him or not. But okay. He'll step forward and swing pretty hard.]
Of course I'm pissed at him for that. Why the hell does he have to feel responsible for other people?
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Not that he seems to actually be in pain - and then he'll release Junpei's hand, then lifting his own with two fingers beckoning him to try again]
You want your dear person to be with you - instead of losing him for the sake of strangers.
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We finally found the right timeline to get out of the game alive, but instead of going home we came here instead. [Punchpunch.] We were supposed to work together to leave, and instead he had to be a fucking hero and chase after someone who turned around and betrayed him! It wasn't even worth it and I don't even know if he's mad!
[So instead Junpei will be mad on his own behalf? Sure.] We've died and come back too many times for either of us to die here. He should have thought of something else!
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The expression on his face remains neutral - aside from the slight furrow of his brows as he tries to understand Junpei's emotions.]
You wanted him to be smarter, more selfish, so he wouldn't leave you.
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It's also nice that his expression gives no tells, though the states are pressing in ways he's not thrilled with either.]
They weren't supposed to be the same. [It's kind of snarled, but apparently there's something a little deeper here.] Both of them wanted to be a team and work together, but the minute something comes up they'll abandon what we're doing for their own goals. No matter how stupid or crazy or dangerous they are, they do it without even telling me what's going on or why things have to be this way!
[And there's one more solid punch before he seems to tire himself out, breathing uneven and shoulders slumped just a bit before he slows down.] ...why am I the selfish one for wanting things to work the way I want them to instead of whatever might be the most heroic or good?
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I don't think you're selfish.
I think you're doing the best that you know how to do - with these circumstances, and these people.
[he tilts his head]
... You must miss them - to feel so angry at their loss.
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...I've only known Carlos for about a week before the week we spent here. It was a game like this. We've done a lot to survive, but I've also watched both him and Akane die across multiple timelines. There were timelines that Carlos killed me. There were timelines I killed him. There were timelines I was killed and timelines Akane left because her goals were more important and timelines Carlos doomed six million people and--
--[This is probably too, like, intense and babbling so he wraps it up.] It took a lot of work to find the right timeline all of us could escape together. Of course I miss them.
[He's also just mad that he couldn't stop Carlos from being a good person and feels kind of weird about being so mad.]
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he didn't think that he'd meet a human who would understand that idea both so clearly and yet have the power the evade it]
Would you like to take a snack break - and then try to hit me some more? I could give you tips on your form.
[ . . . ]
Or you can continue to talk like this, and it'll be our secret.
It must be difficult to carry things so heavy in your heart. If you'll let me help you carry them, I will.
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...I'm not really sure what option I want. [It's said carefully because he's hoping maybe he can make a decision.] ...did I tell you I snapped at Nightwing the other day? [He did not, it's a segue to a related topic.] He was so proud to be a superhero and talk about how heroes are meant to help everyone and how good they are. I don't even know why I said it, but just because I think heroes eventually give up it wasn't fair to tell him that.
How is talking about any of this going to help us work together and get out of here? The broadcast said that things changed after the first week, after the first group lived in harmony for that amount of time. It was supposed to be easier to trust people here and work with them when I had someone else who already knew everything that needed to be said.
[i.e. "it was easier to play the game and do my job when I had Carlos I could sort my issues with because he already knew about them."]
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Because he already knew you, and could understand you better so it was easier to tell what was going on in your mind...?
[higekiri tilts his head at that]
Would you let me get to know you? I am not the same as um... Carlos - but if it would make it easier for you...
[he doesn't mind learning more about junpei, and trying to ease the burden that he carries]
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[Then again, the offer is a bit confusing.] ...sometimes it feels like it isn't that simple anymore. [It's not a no.] I have things I have to get back to, and I'll do whatever I can to make that happen. Even if that means going with my own plans instead of everyone else's.
[He's jumping around on the topic and he knows that, but the crux of it all is trusting people is hard when he's not sure how they'll work together.] But I guess we work together pretty well. I don't know what humans you've been getting to know here, but not all of us are great at sharing. [The point, Junpei?]
...maybe it's not a bad idea. We're all in the same position anyway, aren't we?
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[and he doesn't sound like he minds it?? because at the end of the day, higekiri is a sword who was forged for the purpose of protecting humanity. he has his ideals, but he never once expected any human to hold onto the same ones. they all should think of nothing more than just living their own lives]
But... you and I are comrades.
I wish to see to your safety, no matter what that means.
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[But it also doesn't have to be this way either, and he knows that. He knows the value of teamwork and friends and he's a little more comfortable than he was on the first day.]
...ideally, I'd like to see everyone leave this place alive. Realistically, we know that isn't going to happen. [Mm...] But yeah. You and I are comrades, and...if you're going to let me rely on you, it better be the same for you. Even if you're a sword, human nature can sometimes cause more damage than a blade.
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they are rarely stories made only of kindness.]
If I can think of something that I need - aside from my brother's continued existence at my side, I will let you know.
[he can manage that much but]
I will not blame you for protecting yourself in the ways that you need to. After all, you need to reunite with your comrades from home.... Do you want to tell me more about them? About what happened to you?
[if he's missing someone who naturally understands - then higekiri can at least offer to substitute that person in the ways that he can]
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Thanks. [The offer is still one he thinks he should and wouldn't mind taking, but...] I think I have a question for you before that. And maybe the answer will be different because of who you are, but I'd like to hear your thoughts anyway. If you had to choose between a mission and the person you cared about the most, which would you choose?
[1/2]
This body is still new to me... it's hard to imagine choosing anything besides the mission - even though I've seen the way that my comrades have suffered the pain in their hearts in order to complete what must be done.
But... my brother would likely not forgive me, if I were to abandon our mission to protect history and the humans in our charge. If I were to save him, if it would make him look at me differently than he does now...
[if it would compromise some of that overwhelming love, the adoration, the trust—]
... is it normal? To think that might ache just as badly as losing him? Is that selfish...?
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But perhaps I would simply prefer to look for a version of events in which I did not have to choose.
Is that answer satisfactory?
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