...yeah. There was a cave mentioned in there somewhere. [He's tentative in the conversation, especially since he actually doesn't like that look in the slightest.] It cut off after the suspicion was cast against--Kaldur? I think. About being a triple agent.
Wally was just-- [ and maybe his voice chokes a bit on the name but he presses on ] Worried. I-- I'd brought his girlfriend out of retirement to help on a deep undercover mission, helped fake her death-- [ he shakes his head, switches course a bit; ] Kaldur-- Aqualad-- wasn't a traitor. He'd never be. But Wally was... was having a rough time dealing with things.
[...bad. He won't press the Wally subject because that's a visible hot topic he shouldn't touch yet. Granted, helping someone fake their death is a little extreme and he's quiet as he thinks of what to touch first.]
...was there a reason you couldn't explain it to him before?
He knew. He-- Artemis wouldn't have done it without telling him. He was in on that much. But... the cave was... [ dick runs a hand through his hair ] The flashdrive was information, but it was also to explain the attack. I-- Aqualad couldn't exactly call out a warning. I learned why he'd done it... after.
[ he-- repeats what he'd said, back then: ]
It was necessary. He'd already spent months undercover, and we'd gone as far as to have him-- we'd agreed, both of us, that we'd do whatever it took. We-- we hit a few snags, but if we hadn't done it, there's no way we could've ever stopped the Invasion.
Okay. [It's what he says first, because he thinks that's appropriate. He's not a moron, he can read the tone, but...pushing seems like it's a delicate matter.]
...having been on Wally's end of things, I think I get it. Akane used to do the same. [Still does, actually, but he's sidestepping that.] You do what you have to to get results, but...I dunno.
[An awkward pause.] Sorry for seeing that. But I guess we're even? [A joke that falls flat, because now he's just watching Dick carefully to try and read him.]
It's not... something I enjoy doing. [ the opposite, really. he remembers being thirteen and never wanting to become that person. and yet. ] I don't-- I'd never blame Wally for being the one to, to call me out like that.
[ not just because he's dead, but because for a while that was practically his job. what best friends do, really. still, dick shakes his head, looking morose. ]
[He's lost in thought on that, thinking of something Dick won't actually see and choosing not to say it. But Dick says "we're fine" and he gives him another considering look.]
Are we...? [A roundabout way of asking if he's okay, because Dick can take care of himself just fine but sometimes it's worth asking.] Can't say that would be the memory I'd pick for myself if I had a choice.
The memory isn't a problem. [ it's a bit stilted, but-- ] We made up afterwards. We-- He'd been my best friend since I was like, eleven. It wasn't the first time we fought over things. His girlfriend was fine. The mission was a success. I just...
[ he gives out a sigh, because it's hard to talk around it, and the past tense pretty much gave him away anyway, and he doesn't want to have junpei stare him like that over the next few days, so: ]
Wally died. About a month and a half ago. Sacrificed himself to save the world.
[He knows that. It's fine. He's just letting Dick talk at his own pace and he leans against the bookcase he pulled the funyarinpa from, watching him impassively as he explains.
It also occurs to him that he's maybe a huge asshole because he remembers one of their first conversations. He remembers how Dick responded, and he now realizes why. Not that he could have known, but...hah. He doesn't think to say "I'm sorry" because those are still hollow words, but...that's rough.]
...heroes have never had an easy job. [It's what he says next, careful and very uncertain if this is even worth saying.] Not everyone can lay their own life down on the line for the rest of the world. And not everyone can be brave enough to go in knowing that and still do it anyway.
[He thinks about Carlos and himself, mostly, the difference between them and how Junpei will do what he can but he could never dedicate his life solely to others just like that. Not in the same way. It's not a mystery why Dick is the way he is, or how he continues to function here.]
Doesn't make it any easier later when the world's safe again.
[ there's a sigh from dick as he heads back to his work bench to hide a flash of irritation. he knows it's irrational-- junpei isn't at fault for anything that happened here, and he's obviously trying to offer sympathy in his own way, but it's.
dick knows all that. maybe more than most. and-- and he hadn't wanted to talk (think) about Wally or heroism or anything relating to that, especially today. not after-- he just sighs again and smiles, a bit wry. ]
It's not about that. Even if he'd died any other way... [ he shakes his head ] He's not the first to make that choice. But I miss my best friend. That's it.
[ it's a combination of other things, too, but in the purest sense, right now, hearing his name just feels like a raw, open wound. ]
[He doesn't really know how to touch this. He's bad at this, kind of always fumbling his way through conversations like this, and he kind of misses Escha all over again because he thinks she'd know something better to say. He can't exactly blame Dick or even himself but he's at a loss. So instead, he just looks elsewhere. ]
Yeah. I get that. [And maybe he does because he misses Akane all over again but it's not the same is it? She's alive again even with Junpei still waiting for a day she'll decide her goals are more important than he is. It's always in the back of his head but it's equally irrational. Mostly.]
...am I distracting you? [It's an offer for an out. He isn't touching the Wally subject again on his own and he's not leaving if Dick actually wants him to stay just for company but it's a weird sort of bind. Back to passing the power to someone else then.]
[ dick looks at his pile of electronics in silence. he sees the out for what it is, but-- he shakes his head instead, turning to junpei with a wry grin ]
From this mess? I think I need the distraction. You up for a coffee run?
[ this is the unsubtlest way of saying dick wants to get out of his own head rn but listen, sometimes, you need, a hammer ]
[That's better than expected. He actually feels okay with that and there's a rueful sort of smile back.]
I'll even buy. [It's a joke because everything's free, naturally, but he steps away from the bookshelf he was leaning against and begins to walk forward, casually bumping into Dick's shoulder on the way. Come on. We're moving.] Coffee shop should be pretty empty this time of day anyway.
The whole nothing dollars? I wouldn't want to make you break bank for me.
[ but he follows, abandoning everything there
(except the screwdriver which junpei can see him clearly just fucking shove into his utility belt as usual. klepto.) ]
Oh, I should tell you-- Higekiri knows about me. Escha told him about hers, otherwise I don't think he'd have caught on that I've been dodging questions.
No, no, I insist. [He'll play that joke up as long as he can. He watches the screwdriver disappear and slips his hands into his own pockets, taking the lead onward.]
...surprised he hasn't figured out me, but I've been selective in who I tell things. What exactly did he say about it? Anything?
[There's a mumble of "maybe you deserve it" under his breath but haha, anyway.]
He gets like that. He wants to be used and be relied on, just like Hizamaru. It's why I've sent him on other tasks myself. But...he's good enough to have on our side of things. I can trust him not to spread it around unless we have to.
[ ... dick isn't sure how to react to hearing that so he. just. doesn't? ]
Yeah, I trust him. I would've just told him otherwise if I didn't. But he'll be able to help us look for others now that he sort of knows what to look for. [ he tilts his head a bit ] Nikkari figured me out, too. Took him long enough.
[ he skipped dick entirely when he was role guessing and it was. real funny ]
I thought Nikkari already knew when we talked to him Friday? [Business is easier to talk about, and also wow what the fuck.] Pretty sure the only people who know are you two and Haymitch. And Nikkari's debatable since I never actually confirmed...
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["Wally" is the name his brain supplies, but he's not mentioning it. They're just going to dance around names right now.]
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You're gonna have to be more specific than that. A lot of people have been mad at me recently.
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... That was... when we blew up the cave. [ god. it feels like a lifetime ago. ]
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...was there a reason you couldn't explain it to him before?
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[ he-- repeats what he'd said, back then: ]
It was necessary. He'd already spent months undercover, and we'd gone as far as to have him-- we'd agreed, both of us, that we'd do whatever it took. We-- we hit a few snags, but if we hadn't done it, there's no way we could've ever stopped the Invasion.
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[The end justifies the means.]
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[ it sounds like there's something more to that, but. dick stops it there. ]
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...having been on Wally's end of things, I think I get it. Akane used to do the same. [Still does, actually, but he's sidestepping that.] You do what you have to to get results, but...I dunno.
[An awkward pause.] Sorry for seeing that. But I guess we're even? [A joke that falls flat, because now he's just watching Dick carefully to try and read him.]
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[ not just because he's dead, but because for a while that was practically his job. what best friends do, really. still, dick shakes his head, looking morose. ]
... You didn't exactly ask to see it. We're fine.
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Are we...? [A roundabout way of asking if he's okay, because Dick can take care of himself just fine but sometimes it's worth asking.] Can't say that would be the memory I'd pick for myself if I had a choice.
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[ he gives out a sigh, because it's hard to talk around it, and the past tense pretty much gave him away anyway, and he doesn't want to have junpei stare him like that over the next few days, so: ]
Wally died. About a month and a half ago. Sacrificed himself to save the world.
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It also occurs to him that he's maybe a huge asshole because he remembers one of their first conversations. He remembers how Dick responded, and he now realizes why. Not that he could have known, but...hah. He doesn't think to say "I'm sorry" because those are still hollow words, but...that's rough.]
...heroes have never had an easy job. [It's what he says next, careful and very uncertain if this is even worth saying.] Not everyone can lay their own life down on the line for the rest of the world. And not everyone can be brave enough to go in knowing that and still do it anyway.
[He thinks about Carlos and himself, mostly, the difference between them and how Junpei will do what he can but he could never dedicate his life solely to others just like that. Not in the same way. It's not a mystery why Dick is the way he is, or how he continues to function here.]
Doesn't make it any easier later when the world's safe again.
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dick knows all that. maybe more than most. and-- and he hadn't wanted to talk (think) about Wally or heroism or anything relating to that, especially today. not after--
he just sighs again and smiles, a bit wry. ]
It's not about that. Even if he'd died any other way... [ he shakes his head ] He's not the first to make that choice. But I miss my best friend. That's it.
[ it's a combination of other things, too, but in the purest sense, right now, hearing his name just feels like a raw, open wound. ]
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Yeah. I get that. [And maybe he does because he misses Akane all over again but it's not the same is it? She's alive again even with Junpei still waiting for a day she'll decide her goals are more important than he is. It's always in the back of his head but it's equally irrational. Mostly.]
...am I distracting you? [It's an offer for an out. He isn't touching the Wally subject again on his own and he's not leaving if Dick actually wants him to stay just for company but it's a weird sort of bind. Back to passing the power to someone else then.]
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From this mess? I think I need the distraction. You up for a coffee run?
[ this is the unsubtlest way of saying dick wants to get out of his own head rn but listen, sometimes, you need, a hammer ]
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I'll even buy. [It's a joke because everything's free, naturally, but he steps away from the bookshelf he was leaning against and begins to walk forward, casually bumping into Dick's shoulder on the way. Come on. We're moving.] Coffee shop should be pretty empty this time of day anyway.
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[ but he follows, abandoning everything there
(except the screwdriver which junpei can see him clearly just fucking shove into his utility belt as usual. klepto.) ]
Oh, I should tell you-- Higekiri knows about me. Escha told him about hers, otherwise I don't think he'd have caught on that I've been dodging questions.
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...surprised he hasn't figured out me, but I've been selective in who I tell things. What exactly did he say about it? Anything?
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[ they're terrible. but he keeps going ]
We... got distracted with an idea he had, but I think he got the gist of what it was. At first, he was kinda pouty I'd been keeping secrets from him.
[ hige is hilarious ]
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He gets like that. He wants to be used and be relied on, just like Hizamaru. It's why I've sent him on other tasks myself. But...he's good enough to have on our side of things. I can trust him not to spread it around unless we have to.
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Yeah, I trust him. I would've just told him otherwise if I didn't. But he'll be able to help us look for others now that he sort of knows what to look for. [ he tilts his head a bit ] Nikkari figured me out, too. Took him long enough.
[ he skipped dick entirely when he was role guessing and it was. real funny ]
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