Are we sure this is an attack? [He's trying to push at the barrier himself with no luck. It's...it's something, maybe, because for a moment the barrier shimmers, and then Kanesada finds himself looking through someone else's eyes until everything goes dark at 34:20.]
[ it takes a moment for kanesan to come out of it, blinking in surprise when he does. he doesn’t… really understand what just happened, not immediately, except -
[The problem is that Junpei's blindsided by the memory which means Kanesada gets to see a quick flicker of hurt and discomfort in his expression before it's gone. Instead, he fixes him with a neutral gaze.]
You knew Carlos and I came from the same place, didn't you? [He starts with the obvious here. It's fine.]
...[How to explain...] Do you remember what I said about different histories? And how sometimes we had to jump to save ourselves and change things? It was something like that. That history was one where a virus outbreak was going to destroy six billion people because of how things worked out.
[ kanesan opens his mouth to reply, but before he can, the barrier flickers again, and junpei will find himself standing in the rain, all three layers of his clothes soaked through as the adrenaline of battle and the shock of seeing okita souji finally begin to fade. before him, a man gracefully sinks to his knees, heedless of the mud. it wouldn't matter, anyway - the white funeral clothes he wears, a stark difference from the dignified samurai clothing and blue haori he's known for, are already dirty from holding comforting a friend mere minutes ago.
he turns to request a favor from the nearest of them, but with the pose he's assumed, there can be no mistaking what he means to say. junpei's gaze moves from kondo to nagasone, a storm of resigned concern burning in his heart even before kondo speaks.
"Please take my life."
despite knowing it was coming, it's still a blow. junpei finds himself taking a step back, but all the same…
"It can't be helped," he says with kanesan's voice, heart heavy as he sets a hand on the hilt of his sword. "It's what's supposed to happen."
history calls for it, but it doesn't make it any easier. he worries for nagasone, their leader and kondo isami's own sword - but nagasone himself doesn't hesitate. he's been dedicated to protecting history from the start, no matter the cost, even when it means carving into his own heart to protect a fate that he would never wish upon his former master. so nagason draws his sword, pausing only to ask kondo the questions that have weighed on his mind for so many years. why did kondo give up, even with his strength? why, when he didn't have to surrender…
"The reason I fought with the Shinsengumi was to make a better future," kondo interrupts, speaking firmly, "and for that cause, I will gladly give my life. Right from the start, I meant for Toshi to inherit my spirit." junpei takes another half-step backward, breath caught in his throat. "That's all. That's how the Shinsengumi fights."
in return, kondo asks the six of them a question of his own: what will become of the shinsengumi in the future? it sends a shockwave through the team, but kondo merely looks pleased at being right as nagasone steps forward to answer.
"They'll be a ray of hope that illuminates the darkness," he says, the answer simple but firm. there's another wave of emotion at that, this time a flurry of immeasurable pride and sadness. it isn’t completely true, and they all know it. but all the same... it's how each of them feels, and it’s hard not to believe every word, when they know the impact this man and his followers had on history. and kondo himself appears happier than any man awaiting his death should be, smiling through tears of joy as he tells nagasone to do it. and after only a moment of hesitation, he rests his sword against kondo's neck briefly before raising it to strike -
there comes an angry, wordless yell, and junpei can only watch as one of their own, hachisuka kotetsu, comes forward to roughly shove nagasone to the ground.
"I think I finally understand why I hate you." a surge of worry brings junpei a step forward, but no further as hachisuka continues to speak. “You always try to do everything by yourself. That’s what I hate about you!”
nagasone and the others can only watch in mute silence as he continues angrily, “You’ve shouldered everything by yourself! You’ve suffered all by yourself! Why don’t you get it?”
and suddenly, he kneels in the mud, dirtying the glistening gold armor as he meets nagasone’s eyes. his voice, when he speaks again, is soft - moreso than it’s ever been, in speaking to his brother. through the veil of concern for nagasone, for their relationship, junpei feels a spark of relief.
“You can rely on us.”
it’s not what any of them expected hachisuka to say, but the effect is immediate. nagasone’s expression, always so steadfast and focused on the mission, breaks as tears well up in his eyes, and for once, he doesn’t hold anything back. as they all watch, he curls in on himself on the ground, still clutching his sword a little tighter with each fresh sob.
leaving him there, hachisuka stands and, drawing his sword, turns to kondo isami where he still awaits his execution. after only a moment of hesitation, hachisuka speaks two words, and swings his blade.
[Intense is the word that Junpei would describe it as later. It's rough and a gripping sort of awareness that means he's fully immersed in this memory, watching through Kanesada's eyes. He's a little out of touch with Japanese history but he knows enough of the Shinsengumi and he understands what's happening here.
And he wonders, briefly, if Nagasone is who Kanesada thinks of here. As the memory fades when the blade swings to strike Kondo, the barrier breaks and Junpei's left to stare at Kanesada with open uncertainty.]
...I think I suddenly see why you're very invested in teamwork. [Steady and firm, he lets those words hang first rather than focus on the emotions he can't quite shake off.]
[ when the memory fades, all kanesan can do is let out a heavy sigh. that is not a memory he appreciates being forced to relive. ]
You mean Hachisuka. [ it's not a question. his arms cross, eyes closing as he tries to find the words to explain. ] He is not of the Shinsengumi - but he wasn't wrong, was he? Moving as a team is how the Shinsengumi operated, and it's how we work best. I suppose it can be hard to remember that, when you're facing a loss like Nagasone's.
I guess he wasn't wrong, no. [But teamwork is still a dicey thing in and of itself.] Sometimes you want to take one for the team though and make sure whatever you're doing will benefit them even if it's hurting yourself. Isn't that still part of teamwork, if you think about it?
If you have a hard choice to make...I think I understand why you would want to do it yourself. Even if it's not the right one to make.
It is - I won’t argue with you on that. But I still stand by what I said before. [ he watches junpei carefully as he continues. ] The team that can rely on each other when things get difficult is the team that works best. I could never say so to Nagasone himself, but I believe that to be true.
He takes care of us as well as Kondo Isami did with our masters, but all the same… A burden is harder to bear alone, isn’t it?
Not to be contradictory, but it depends on the burden, I think. It becomes a question of what will hurt your teammates less, letting them shoulder it with you or doing it to protect them. But I get it. A team that can rely on each other means a team that knows what to do next and how to prepare for situations where the burden's too heavy.
Sometimes I just think teams are harder to manage than managing yourself. That's all.
Oh, undoubtedly. To be an effective commander, you must understand your teammates well enough to know where best to use them and where not to use them at all, who they work best with or not, what motivates them or what discourages them most. There are many things to consider as a leader of many, as opposed to leading only yourself, where you will know your own strengths and weaknesses well enough to survive or die trying.
[ that's a little extreme but okay ]
It isn't an easy skill to learn. But I think you are beginning to understand what it means, to be a true leader.
...should I be taking that as a compliment? [This is said after a long pause because he's definitely taking all of that into consideration. Does he know anything about being a leader? Maybe not, but he knows...that maybe he wants to be.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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he turns to junpei questioningly. ]
Junpei, was that…?
[ carlos? junpei himself? what? ]
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You knew Carlos and I came from the same place, didn't you? [He starts with the obvious here. It's fine.]
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I know. But... what was going on? What were you talking about that... that made you feel like that?
[ the human heart... it really is difficult, sometimes. it's no wonder junpei and so many others struggle to manage it. ]
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he turns to request a favor from the nearest of them, but with the pose he's assumed, there can be no mistaking what he means to say. junpei's gaze moves from kondo to nagasone, a storm of resigned concern burning in his heart even before kondo speaks.
"Please take my life."
despite knowing it was coming, it's still a blow. junpei finds himself taking a step back, but all the same…
"It can't be helped," he says with kanesan's voice, heart heavy as he sets a hand on the hilt of his sword. "It's what's supposed to happen."
history calls for it, but it doesn't make it any easier. he worries for nagasone, their leader and kondo isami's own sword - but nagasone himself doesn't hesitate. he's been dedicated to protecting history from the start, no matter the cost, even when it means carving into his own heart to protect a fate that he would never wish upon his former master. so nagason draws his sword, pausing only to ask kondo the questions that have weighed on his mind for so many years. why did kondo give up, even with his strength? why, when he didn't have to surrender…
"The reason I fought with the Shinsengumi was to make a better future," kondo interrupts, speaking firmly, "and for that cause, I will gladly give my life. Right from the start, I meant for Toshi to inherit my spirit." junpei takes another half-step backward, breath caught in his throat. "That's all. That's how the Shinsengumi fights."
in return, kondo asks the six of them a question of his own: what will become of the shinsengumi in the future? it sends a shockwave through the team, but kondo merely looks pleased at being right as nagasone steps forward to answer.
"They'll be a ray of hope that illuminates the darkness," he says, the answer simple but firm. there's another wave of emotion at that, this time a flurry of immeasurable pride and sadness. it isn’t completely true, and they all know it. but all the same... it's how each of them feels, and it’s hard not to believe every word, when they know the impact this man and his followers had on history. and kondo himself appears happier than any man awaiting his death should be, smiling through tears of joy as he tells nagasone to do it. and after only a moment of hesitation, he rests his sword against kondo's neck briefly before raising it to strike -
there comes an angry, wordless yell, and junpei can only watch as one of their own, hachisuka kotetsu, comes forward to roughly shove nagasone to the ground.
"I think I finally understand why I hate you." a surge of worry brings junpei a step forward, but no further as hachisuka continues to speak. “You always try to do everything by yourself. That’s what I hate about you!”
nagasone and the others can only watch in mute silence as he continues angrily, “You’ve shouldered everything by yourself! You’ve suffered all by yourself! Why don’t you get it?”
and suddenly, he kneels in the mud, dirtying the glistening gold armor as he meets nagasone’s eyes. his voice, when he speaks again, is soft - moreso than it’s ever been, in speaking to his brother. through the veil of concern for nagasone, for their relationship, junpei feels a spark of relief.
“You can rely on us.”
it’s not what any of them expected hachisuka to say, but the effect is immediate. nagasone’s expression, always so steadfast and focused on the mission, breaks as tears well up in his eyes, and for once, he doesn’t hold anything back. as they all watch, he curls in on himself on the ground, still clutching his sword a little tighter with each fresh sob.
leaving him there, hachisuka stands and, drawing his sword, turns to kondo isami where he still awaits his execution. after only a moment of hesitation, hachisuka speaks two words, and swings his blade.
“I’m sorry.” ]
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And he wonders, briefly, if Nagasone is who Kanesada thinks of here. As the memory fades when the blade swings to strike Kondo, the barrier breaks and Junpei's left to stare at Kanesada with open uncertainty.]
...I think I suddenly see why you're very invested in teamwork. [Steady and firm, he lets those words hang first rather than focus on the emotions he can't quite shake off.]
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You mean Hachisuka. [ it's not a question. his arms cross, eyes closing as he tries to find the words to explain. ] He is not of the Shinsengumi - but he wasn't wrong, was he? Moving as a team is how the Shinsengumi operated, and it's how we work best. I suppose it can be hard to remember that, when you're facing a loss like Nagasone's.
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If you have a hard choice to make...I think I understand why you would want to do it yourself. Even if it's not the right one to make.
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It is - I won’t argue with you on that. But I still stand by what I said before. [ he watches junpei carefully as he continues. ] The team that can rely on each other when things get difficult is the team that works best. I could never say so to Nagasone himself, but I believe that to be true.
He takes care of us as well as Kondo Isami did with our masters, but all the same… A burden is harder to bear alone, isn’t it?
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Sometimes I just think teams are harder to manage than managing yourself. That's all.
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[ that's a little extreme but okay ]
It isn't an easy skill to learn. But I think you are beginning to understand what it means, to be a true leader.
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The tease is easier though.]
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Maybe so. Ask me again in a few weeks, eh? It'll be something to think about, until then.
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...I should keep going to check on some of the others. But I'll see you later?