[That's fair. He approaches and he opens his arms? Not, like, for a hug, but to deposit snacks. He'll help him carry whatever apparently.]
I think so. There's still a lot we don't know, but overall I don't think today went as bad as it could have. [...Prompto's still dead, but...they're learning.] How're you guys holding up?
[oh..... higekiri will give junpei some snacks then. he nods his head in gratitude]
If repairs could be done on the heart - on the feelings - I would gather every material and prepare the forgery so devotedly than even the gods could not stop me.
[ . . . ]
But now it is only time, and comfort, that can heal... right?
[Theres a slow nod. ] The downside of humanity is that being human means feeling these things. The worst part of it is not knowing how long it might take. It's just about patience.
... it is odd - to know that. To have seen that. To witness others going through the same countless times, and recognizing those feelings for what they are...
[ . . . ]
It is simply another to hold it in my chest, I suppose. I wish they would be quieter.
The things we don't want to bother us somehow always have a way of coming back up. Sometimes I really wish everything in my head would shut up, too. [It's not quite the same, but it's been a conflicting and hard week for a handful of reasons.] But...it seems a little weird to hear you talking about holding it in, you know? I thought you'd be a little less of a hypocrite.
[It's not a serious sleight or even annoyed. It's just gently pointing out that Higekiri somehow gets him to talk about stuff and now is turning around and doing this.]
[he's quiet for a long moment - because that single thought is occupying most of his space. that he wants to protect hizamaru, that he wants to make sure that he stops hurting, that he can smile again.
he just wants his brother to smile again.]
... that I wish I could stop it.
Or I knew how to be human enough to help.
Or I...
[ . . . ]
I could do anything at all, besides watch and wait.
Humans don't always know how to be human enough to help either. Sometimes when humans try to help they end up hurting other people even more. [Akane tried to help humanity and hurt Junpei in the process. Junpei tried to protect the one he loved the most and he killed Carlos. It's a pattern.]
Doing this, right now, is probably more helpful than you think. People grow from pain, I think, so even if we can't stop it it helps to be there.
It sucks not knowing what to do. [...] I didn't want to say some of the things I said today because I was afraid I'd hurt him, too. But you're his brother. Maybe he just needs someone to let him experience this in his own way.
[Or maybe he's just spouting nonsense and trying, but emotions are tricky.]
[higekiri knows this. he knows it all well. but he's not humans, and he's not people, and he's not sure what to do with what sits uncomfortably in his chest. it helps a little bit to talk, to get the words out there, and yet....]
... I heard that it is the sad moments that make us who we are.
[he wants to believe in that - even though it is his first time experiencing such a deep, aching, impossible sadness]
I know him better than anyone... but these feelings and bodies are still new to us. Even if I know what it is like for humans, to witness... it feels... [and the keyword really is feels] ... different.
[ . . . ]
You know -
I heard that the curse reached you - but I only found out today. It does not ache in the same way... but I wonder if there are still things that I ought to see better.
...when we got here, I told your brother something. Ask him if he remembers what I said about the Knowledge Argument, and how it applies to experience. You can know everything about everything, but can you really know and understand without experience?
[And speaking of experience...he looks a little unsure now. ] Who told you I was involved with that?
Mm... Night... claw. [there's actually a lore reason why higekiri won't refer to dick by name directly but] Kagachi confirmed it afterward, and told me to keep it a secret that he went to you in order to ask you to look after him.
[ . . . ]
I'm not unhappy because I wasn't aware - I don't think. This isn't a history that I know, so I can't be aware of everything.
Though... I already said that I wish I could've supported him through it - and I will tell you the same now.
[He's not entirely surprised that was the order of operations. But, to confirm:] I didn't tell Kagachi that I took the curse. Did Nightwing tell him instead, and then Kagachi told you?
[Awkward...] It was a big thing that we were trying to track and figure out how to share without attracting the demon's attention. And...then Prompto died, and yesterday was kind of a mess. We weren't intending to really keep it a secret.
Kagachi did mention that he asked you to look after him - there's presumably only one way to do that to lessen his suffering, isn't there? Have you been plagued since then...?
[he worry]
Mm... I imagined it was something like that. So I tried to calm my comrade from how unhappy he was. [he means kanesan] You all have your reasons, don't you?
He told me Dick was beating himself up and to try and help, so yeah. There was only one way to do this, and I took it from him. But I passed it on and we're fine. Seems like the person who had it last is still okay, too.
We all have reasons for what we do, Higekiri. I wish it hadn't come out this way, but the way that everything happened yesterday didn't help either.
If I may ask... who was it that possessed it last? [he tilts his head] Only because I would like to ensure that they're alright, if possible. If they didn't have any visible signs during trial...
[how did they handle it and is there a way for him to learn??]
Mm, I know. Each of you were being cautious - we weren't prepared for what happened. I am only working retroactively to discern what happened so I can pass the message on without any of you being in a position to relive your troubles again.
I don't hold it against any of you - I'd only like to help.
Last I knew, it was with Catra. But we don't know when it stops moving either, or if it returns to the host it left from or anything like that. That's the biggest question I have.
I know you want to help, but we want as few casualties as possible. It's...kind of hard to figure things out and still keep everyone safe. What else did Kagachi say? And have you talked to Nightwing yourself?
he pulls up his clamshell to actually try to figure out who he's referring to - ]
Mm, I see. I'm rather unfamiliar with her... but it is worth investigating. I will try to ask Chuuya the next time that I see him then.
I've spoken with them both - Nightfeather first, and then Kagachi. At the very least, Nightfeather has told me he will inform me should the demons find him again, so you will have help in supporting him... but I can't say if I received any new information, only that Monika was the source and Nika... something... was afflicted twice. I hope to see him when he is feeling less ailed.
Kagachi asked me a question on if I would feel comfortable keeping secrets from my brother.... I wonder what he might say to me one day.
Sure. If you think it'll help, then it's okay. [There's a nod. He'll let the sword do his thing.]
I think Nikkari wouldn't mind seeing you after this weekend. He could use our support...he didn't know any of this would happen. [Which sucks. Thanks Monika.]
...what was the answer? If you don't mind me asking.
[To the first though:] Hizamaru tells me a lot about you. He wants to be as carefree as you are, sometimes. ...but I don't think it's the worst thing in the world to show him that even you're worried sometimes.
Eh? Will you make me keep secrets from my brother as well...? ... Hmm, the answer was that I wouldn't understand why someone wouldn't want the both of us, when we work well together. It is not as though he would ever do anything to make me unhappy...
But it also would not be the first time that I have completed secret orders without his realization.
[because hige is prone to just going off and doing things by himself too]
... Mm. I know. I will find a way to express it to him soon, hopefully. When I am not adding to his worries.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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... Missions can take some time.
[he sounds better than he did that day before, like he's coming to relax again - even if not perfectly]
We're still learning plenty, aren't we?
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I think so. There's still a lot we don't know, but overall I don't think today went as bad as it could have. [...Prompto's still dead, but...they're learning.] How're you guys holding up?
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If repairs could be done on the heart - on the feelings - I would gather every material and prepare the forgery so devotedly than even the gods could not stop me.
[ . . . ]
But now it is only time, and comfort, that can heal... right?
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[ . . . ]
It is simply another to hold it in my chest, I suppose. I wish they would be quieter.
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[It's not a serious sleight or even annoyed. It's just gently pointing out that Higekiri somehow gets him to talk about stuff and now is turning around and doing this.]
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higekiri just gives him a smile - a little bit sad, a little bit lost]
... I suppose I don't know how to let out what I haven't had before.
[it's not that he's doing it on purpose -
he just doesn't know what to do in the first place]
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Well...we start from the beginning. What's the first thing that crosses your mind when you think about what happened?
[He's bad at this, but for Higekiri he'll make an attempt]
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[he
answers that so quickly, for someone who seems to be having a hard time processing his emotions
but that, above all others, stands out so clearly he doesn't even hesitate]
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he just wants his brother to smile again.]
... that I wish I could stop it.
Or I knew how to be human enough to help.
Or I...
[ . . . ]
I could do anything at all, besides watch and wait.
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Humans don't always know how to be human enough to help either. Sometimes when humans try to help they end up hurting other people even more. [Akane tried to help humanity and hurt Junpei in the process. Junpei tried to protect the one he loved the most and he killed Carlos. It's a pattern.]
Doing this, right now, is probably more helpful than you think. People grow from pain, I think, so even if we can't stop it it helps to be there.
It sucks not knowing what to do. [...] I didn't want to say some of the things I said today because I was afraid I'd hurt him, too. But you're his brother. Maybe he just needs someone to let him experience this in his own way.
[Or maybe he's just spouting nonsense and trying, but emotions are tricky.]
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... I heard that it is the sad moments that make us who we are.
[he wants to believe in that - even though it is his first time experiencing such a deep, aching, impossible sadness]
I know him better than anyone... but these feelings and bodies are still new to us. Even if I know what it is like for humans, to witness... it feels... [and the keyword really is feels] ... different.
[ . . . ]
You know -
I heard that the curse reached you - but I only found out today. It does not ache in the same way... but I wonder if there are still things that I ought to see better.
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[And speaking of experience...he looks a little unsure now. ] Who told you I was involved with that?
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[no, he's leaning toward maybe not -
regardless higekiri will just tilt his head]
Mm... Night... claw. [there's actually a lore reason why higekiri won't refer to dick by name directly but] Kagachi confirmed it afterward, and told me to keep it a secret that he went to you in order to ask you to look after him.
[ . . . ]
I'm not unhappy because I wasn't aware - I don't think. This isn't a history that I know, so I can't be aware of everything.
Though... I already said that I wish I could've supported him through it - and I will tell you the same now.
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[Awkward...] It was a big thing that we were trying to track and figure out how to share without attracting the demon's attention. And...then Prompto died, and yesterday was kind of a mess. We weren't intending to really keep it a secret.
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Kagachi did mention that he asked you to look after him - there's presumably only one way to do that to lessen his suffering, isn't there? Have you been plagued since then...?
[he worry]
Mm... I imagined it was something like that. So I tried to calm my comrade from how unhappy he was. [he means kanesan] You all have your reasons, don't you?
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He told me Dick was beating himself up and to try and help, so yeah. There was only one way to do this, and I took it from him. But I passed it on and we're fine. Seems like the person who had it last is still okay, too.
We all have reasons for what we do, Higekiri. I wish it hadn't come out this way, but the way that everything happened yesterday didn't help either.
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[how did they handle it and is there a way for him to learn??]
Mm, I know. Each of you were being cautious - we weren't prepared for what happened. I am only working retroactively to discern what happened so I can pass the message on without any of you being in a position to relive your troubles again.
I don't hold it against any of you - I'd only like to help.
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I know you want to help, but we want as few casualties as possible. It's...kind of hard to figure things out and still keep everyone safe. What else did Kagachi say? And have you talked to Nightwing yourself?
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he pulls up his clamshell to actually try to figure out who he's referring to - ]
Mm, I see. I'm rather unfamiliar with her... but it is worth investigating. I will try to ask Chuuya the next time that I see him then.
I've spoken with them both - Nightfeather first, and then Kagachi. At the very least, Nightfeather has told me he will inform me should the demons find him again, so you will have help in supporting him... but I can't say if I received any new information, only that Monika was the source and Nika... something... was afflicted twice. I hope to see him when he is feeling less ailed.
Kagachi asked me a question on if I would feel comfortable keeping secrets from my brother.... I wonder what he might say to me one day.
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I think Nikkari wouldn't mind seeing you after this weekend. He could use our support...he didn't know any of this would happen. [Which sucks. Thanks Monika.]
...what do you mean by that, exactly?
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[nikkari....... it starts to click a little in hige's head to remember his name]
Nothing important yet... only that he asked if I'm capable of keeping secrets from my brother, if the situation arose.
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[To the first though:] Hizamaru tells me a lot about you. He wants to be as carefree as you are, sometimes. ...but I don't think it's the worst thing in the world to show him that even you're worried sometimes.
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Eh? Will you make me keep secrets from my brother as well...? ... Hmm, the answer was that I wouldn't understand why someone wouldn't want the both of us, when we work well together. It is not as though he would ever do anything to make me unhappy...
But it also would not be the first time that I have completed secret orders without his realization.
[because hige is prone to just going off and doing things by himself too]
... Mm. I know. I will find a way to express it to him soon, hopefully. When I am not adding to his worries.
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